The Bad Girls Bible - Sex, Relationships, Dating, Love & Marriage Advice

Welcome back to another episode of The Bad Girls Bible Podcast. Today on the show, we are joined by Alaina Schwartz to talk about her marriage of 17 and a half years and her subsequent divorce. Alaina grew up on long island in New York in a family of staunch disciplinarians that was incredibly emotionally dysfunctional, emotionally violent and sometimes even physically so. After high school, Alaina moved away to New York where she went to law school, and eventually was a lawyer in the music industry for almost 18 years. Today she is a successful transformational mindset and business coach, who teaches her clients the same mindset tools that radically changed her life. In this episode we talk about everything from how her husband was incredibly romantic at first, how she started to realize something wasn’t quite right in her relationship, how she earned more than him, and also how she stayed positive since divorcing him. So for an incredibly honest, and insightful conversation, be sure to tune in to today’s episode.

Key Points From This Episode

• Alaina’s background story and her early life.
• The day the Alaina met her ex husband: love at second sight.
• Timeline and story of how Alaina’s ex husband proposed.
• Alaina’s fairytale wedding in Central Park.
• The first couple of years of their marriage.
• The incident that led up to their marital problems.
• Alaina’s heartbreak and challenges with her in-laws.
• The lowest point Alaina experienced in her marriage.
• When Alaina finally decided to move on with her life.
• Facing the allegations of being called an “unfit mother”.
• How Alaina’s life has turned out differently than what she expected.
• Why Alaina has no regrets from her past.
• Advice for listeners who are going through a divorce: mindset shift.

Tweetables

“I was determined to try to make it work every day I was there and every day I was rejected by him.” — @alaina_s7 [0:25:25]

“There was no doubt that I thought we were going to be together forever that we would figure out a way to make that work.” — @alaina_s7 [0:26:26]

“There can be multiple people that are really good for us in our lives at different times in our lives, depending on how we grow.” — @alaina_s7 [0:26:46]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Alaina Schwartz — https://alainaschwartz.com/ 

Alaina on Twitter — https://twitter.com/alaina_s7

On today’s show we welcome Dr. Lori Brotto, a Professor in the department for Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of British Columbia and the Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health.

Lori has also the author of the book, Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire. In this episode we are discussing sexual desire, and how a low desire or lack of interest in sex is by far the most common sexual concern, not only in women but in men as well. Many people struggle for different reasons, both psychologically and socially. Lori helps us today to uncover those struggles and those reasons and step beyond our negative beliefs to reignite our sexual desires through mindfulness. For an incredibly insightful conversation, be sure to tune in to today’s episode!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Hear more about Lori and how she became a sex researcher and sex therapist.
• Researcher’s findings on reasons why women experience low sexual desire.
• Why low sexual desire is often confused.
• Understanding how mood and depression suppresses desire.
• How your beliefs can impact your desire.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy and how it can effectively treat sexual complaints.
• Physical conditions people can have that may interfere with sexual function.
• A female Viagra solution to fix female sexual arousal disorder, how terrible can it be?
• Struggling to reach orgasm during sex: whether you’re lacking desire or full of it.
• How mindfulness can help women and man be more present and reignite desire.
• Lori share some stories from her book on how mindfulness can be useful.
• Adopting a regular mindfulness practice and engaging the muscle of the mind.
• And so much more!

Tweetables:

“Low desire or lack of interest in sex is by far the most common sexual concern, not only in women but in men as well.” — @DrLoriBrotto [0:04:01]

“Negative beliefs in the brain can also stimulate certain brain path ways that interfere with desire and arousal.” — @DrLoriBrotto [0:11:21]

“Pretty much anything that impacts hormones has the potential to impact sexual response.” — @DrLoriBrotto [0:14:35]

“If you are going to have sex, you may as well show up for it.” — @DrLoriBrotto [0:27:30]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Dr. Lori Brotto — http://www.loribrotto.com/

Dr. Lori on Twitter — https://twitter.com/DrLoriBrotto

Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire — https://www.amazon.com/Better-Sex-Through-Mindfulness-Cultivate/dp/1771642351/

University of British Columbia — https://brottolab.med.ubc.ca/about/dr-lori-brotto/

On today’s show we welcome Annabelle Knight. Annabelle is a dating, sex and relationship expert along with being a certified couple’s councilor. She’s also written a novel, The Endless Autumn, which has been featured by Cosmopolitan.

Annabelle has her own range of sex toys available online and is a resident sex and love expert for online retailer, lovehoney.com. Our topic for today is sex toys. Thanks to Annabelle’s expertise on the subject she is able to share with us just how useful they can be and how they can cause breathtaking pleasure.

We’re also talking about getting your partner on board with using sex toys during sex and the different types of vibrators and sex toys available. For an incredibly insightful conversation, be sure to tune in to today’s episode!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Hear more about Annabelle’s background and how she started her own line of sex toys.
• How sex toys can improve your pleasure, whether you’re alone or with a partner.
• Annabelle’s favorite sex toys - the cock ring and the vibrating bullet.
• Advice to people wanting to buy their first sex toy.
• Why some guys are hesitant about using sex toys during sex.
• Ways to help your partner get on board with using sex toys.
• Why using sex toys has nothing to do with how good you are in bed.
• Different types of vibrators for clitoral stimulation.
• What to look for when buying a sex toy.
• Sex toys that are unisex or male specific that men can use.
• Learn more about prostate play and prostate massagers.
• Toys to use during sex that can give different sensations.
• Anal first-timers prep.
• Main types of lubricant: water based, silicon based and oil based.
• Using the right type of lube with your sex toys.
• What to do if sex toys just aren’t for you.
• And so much more!

Tweetables:

“Sex toys are like the cherry on the cake so you don’t need the cherry to make the cake tasty but it kind of gives you a third dimension, a little extra something.” — @missbelleknight [0:03:10]

“Sex toys provide different type of stimulation and that’s not a better type or worse type, it’s just a different type.” — @missbelleknight [0:07:50]

“The end goal for any sex toy manufacturer is pleasure and the better their toys and their products provide pleasure, the more popular they are.” — @missbelleknight [0:18:26]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Annabelle Knight — http://annabelleknight.com/

Annabelle on Twitter — https://twitter.com/missbelleknight

Annabelle on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/annabelleknight/

The Endless Autumn — https://www.amazon.com/Endless-Autumn-Annabelle-Knight/dp/1786939606/

Love Honey — https://www.lovehoney.com/

Cosmopolitan — https://www.cosmopolitan.com/

Aneros — https://www.aneros.com/

Joining us today is Dee Dussault, a sexuality coach, Yoga Alliance® certified yoga teacher, the creator of Ganja Yoga, and author of the book by that title. She has taught partner yoga, vanilla tantra, and cannabis-enhanced yoga to thousands of people across the US, Canada, and Europe.

She studied sexuality for over a decade and carries an honors degree in Sexuality Studies. Her training was in the tantric tradition of Swami Satyananda of Bihar, India. Dee tells us what got her into tantra and explains that the practice is about much more than sex. She highlights the spiritual value as well as the opportunities it offers to fuel the evolution of our consciousness.

She further discusses mindfulness, the importance of slowing down your sexual encounters, and why the edge of your comfort zone is where you want to be. We talk about solo orgasmic experiences, Kegel exercises and the exhilarating dynamic that marijuana can bring to your yoga routine. So tune in to find out how Dee can help you tap into your radiant embodied self!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Some of Dee’s background and how she became a sexuality coach.
• How tantra facilitates the whole human experience.
• Why tantra is for everyone, at any time.   
• The relationship between breathing and feeling.
• What to do when you feel awkward at first.
• How yoga can lead to arousal and orgasmic experience.
• The benefits of redirecting genital energy.
• How energy orgasms can be achieved.
• How tantric sex helps older people and those with sexual dysfunction.
• The importance of balancing Kegel exercises with stretches.
• How cannabis enhances your yoga routine.
• And so much more!

Tweetables:

“The idea is in Tantra that our sexual energy is the most potent energy we have as humans.” — @TheGanjaYoga [0:04:05]

“Tantra allows the whole range of human emotions and experiences.” — @TheGanjaYoga [0:08:00]

“You don’t need a partner to do tantra.” — @TheGanjaYoga [0:08:22] 

“As you slow down your breath, your capacity to feel increases.” — @TheGanjaYoga [0:09:37]

“I recommend people play at the edge of their comfort zone.” — @TheGanjaYoga [0:11:09]

“Pleasure is our birthright.” — @TheGanjaYoga [0:22:51]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Yoga Alliance® — https://www.yogaalliance.org/

Swami Satyananda — http://www.biharyoga.net/bihar-school-of-yoga/about-wyc/sri-swami-satyananda/

Dee Dussault — https://www.deedussault.com/

Ganja Yoga — https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062656841/ganja-yoga/

Ganja Yoga on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/ganjayoga/

Sting — https://www.sting.com/

Sting on Twitter — https://twitter.com/OfficialSting

Today on the podcast we are joined by Danielle Harel, Ph.D and Celeste Hirschman. They are the cofounders of the Somatica Institute of Sex and Relationship Coaching.

Danielle Harel received her Ph.D. and Doctorate degree in Human Sexuality from The Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. She has a graduate degree in Clinical Social Work and a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Educational Counseling. Celeste Hirschman received her Master’s Degree in Human Sexuality Studies from San Francisco State University and her Bachelor’s Degree in Women’s Studies at the University of California at Santa Cruz.

In their teaching, Danielle and Celeste connect with unconditional love, erotic energy, and presence to help their students and clients deepen their insight on self-awareness. They’ve also coauthored the books Making Love Real and Cockfidence, and this episode they share more about the importance of vulnerability and empathy in relationships, and how to be more mindful in your sex life. We also dive into ways to work through shame and fully embrace your sexual desires and fantasies without feeling judged. For an incredibly insightful conversation, be sure to tune in to today’s episode!

Key Points From This Episode

• The story of how Danielle and Celeste met, and founded the Somatic Institute.
• Somatica: an experiential approach to sexuality and relationships.
• Importance of vulnerability for having a good sex life.
• Most common reasons why we often struggle to be vulnerable with our partners.
• How mindfulness plays a role in having better sex.
• Advice for couples who want to develop mindfulness.
• Learning to have embodied empathy when it comes to your relationship.
• Understanding how to process shame and embrace your sexuality.
• Key elements of a healthy relationship: attachment and individuation.

Tweetables

“The more that we can be vulnerable about our deepest desires and longings, the more that we can give each other the most hot, fulfilling sex.” — Celeste Hirschman [0:08:32]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Danielle Harel — https://www.celesteanddanielle.com/about-danielle/

Celeste Hirschman — https://www.celesteanddanielle.com/about-celeste/

Website — https://www.celesteanddanielle.com/

Somatica Institute of Sex and Relationship Coaching — https://www.somaticainstitute.com/

Making Love Real — https://www.amazon.com/Making-Love-Real-Intelligent-Intimacy/dp/0692525483

Cockfidence — https://www.amazon.com/Cockfidence-Definitive-Guide-Being-Driving-ebook/dp/B004SV2DKC

On the show today we are joined by Dr. Adam Mathews. Dr. Mathews is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 15 years of experience working with couples and families. He’s an adjunct professor for both North Central University and Piper University and he’s also the cohost of the popular podcast, Foreplay Radio Sex Therapy. Currently, Dr. Mathews also serves as president of the North Carolina Association of Marriage and Family Therapists.

In this episode we’ll be discussing the five sex conversations every couple needs to have to improve their sex life and address the regular problems that persist in relationships when sex is MIA or when your partner isn’t comfortable talking about it. Who better to talk on the subject of sex in relationships than the expert, Dr. Mathews!

Highlights

• How Dr. Mathews came to be a therapist and started Foreplay Read Sex Therapy.
• Why some couples intentionally avoid difficult conversations about sex.
• Why when conflict grows: disconnection grows and your sex life follows suit.
• The first initial steps, what leads people to therapy and how to uncover the problem.
• What emotional and sexual disconnection does to your relationship.
• The right approach when you want to initiate the ‘sex’ conversation.
• Owning your part in it and focusing on one thing at a time.
• Laying off the pressure when making new requests.
• The “My parents did what?” conversation: what your family was like about sex.
• The “I’ll have what she’s having” conversation: getting away from assumptions.
• The “Indianapolis 500” conversation: what puts us in the mood for sex.
• The “I have a headache” conversation: How to deal with rejection, when you’re not in the mood.
• How to politely honestly and politely say, “Hey just not tonight”.
• The “The professor plum in the bedroom with the lights off” conversation.
• Not underestimating the soft skills: communication and how it can bring connection.
• And so much more!

Tweetables

“Just never force a sex conversation on somebody if they don’t want to have it.” — @MathewsCounsel [0:13:17.1]

“Sex is the ultimate expression of love and connection.” — @MathewsCounsel [0:16:38.1]

“You mention the soft skills and I think that is what they are and I would just say, don’t underestimate the power of this stuff.” — @MathewsCounsel [0:35:33.1]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Dr. Adam Mathews — https://mathewscounseling.net/

Dr. Mathews on Twitter — https://twitter.com/MathewsCounsel

Dr. Mathews on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/dradammathews

Dr. Mathews on Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/dradammathews/

Foreplay Read Sex Therapy —http://foreplayrst.com/

Today on the show I am talking to Dr. Laurie Mintz. She is a professor, author, speaker, and therapist. She teaches psychology of human sexuality to hundreds of undergraduate students annually and she has also authored two books, Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How to Get It, along with A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex.

Inside this episode, Laurie shares her findings on the orgasm gap that exists in relationships and why that often starts at the beginning of a sex ed program. We also dive into the importance of self-discovery and understanding what works best for you as an individual, and then communicating that to your partner. Finally, we bust some of society’s myths about sex and Laurie shares her take-home advice that women can implement in their sexual journeys today.

So if you want to learn all of Laurie’s incredible secrets to experience orgasms during sex, don’t miss out on today’s episode!

Highlights

• Laurie’s background and how she came to teach psychology of human sexuality.
• How the orgasm gap inspired Laurie to write Becoming Cliterate.
• Understanding why there is so much ignorance about female sexual pleasure.
• The effective strategy of sex education in the Netherlands.
• First steps a woman can take to increase her “cliteracy”.
• How to incorporate yourself; a journey of self-discovery.
• Why sexual communication can really go a long way.
• Getting rid of the myth that sex should be spontaneous.
• Approaching your partner about introducing new ideas into your sex life.
• Advice for women struggling to orgasm or struggling with low sexual desire.

Tweetables

“It’s truly, truly impossible to have an orgasm while you are worrying about something.” — @DrLaurieMintz [0:17:19]

“Mindfulness is putting your mind and body in the same place.” — @DrLaurieMintz [0:17:19]

“Communication is the bedrock to make your bed rock.” — @DrLaurieMintz [0:26:17]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Dr. Laurie Mintz — http://drlauriemintz.com/

Laurie on Twitter — https://twitter.com/drlauriemintz

Becoming Cliterate — https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Cliterate-Orgasm-Equality-Matters/dp/0062664557

A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex — https://www.amazon.com/Tired-Womans-Guide-Passionate-Sex/dp/1605501077

OMGYes — https://www.omgyes.com/

Calm — https://www.calm.com/

Head Space — https://www.headspace.com/

Today we are doing something a little different, which I think you will find pretty interesting…Instead of our regular guest, I am talking to a listener of the Bad Girls Bible Podcast to bring you a whole new perspective to all things relationships, and real world experiences.

So in this episode we welcome listener, Paige, to talk about her relationships and the struggles she’s faced, including dealing with her difficult mother-in-law and even finding out her husband had been texting his ex! Paige then goes on to talk about how she came through these relationship struggles to be in a better, happier place.

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, there is a lot to learn from our conversation and hopefully some inspiration too, especially if you’re facing your own relationships struggles.

If you’d like to tell your relationship story on the podcast, shoot me an email to [email protected]

Highlights

• Hear more about who Paige is and how she met her husband.
• Getting proposed to after only 6 months of dating.
• What life was like for Paige between the proposal and the marriage.
• Dealing with the mother in law.
• Issues of jealousy early on in her marriage.
• Being a new mother and dealing with the frustrations that come with it.
• How Paige found out that her husband was talking to one of his exes.
• Getting on with depression - another baby and 5 years later.
• Going back to school and doing something for yourself.
• Finding your own happiness - having a positive mindset.
• How her marriage changed once she changed her mindset.
• The importance of developing your mindset.
• And much more!

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Bad Girls Bible — https://badgirlsbible.com/

Bad Girls Bible Facebook Page — https://www.facebook.com/badgirlsbible/

On the show today we are joined by Vanessa Marin, who is a sex therapist specializing in helping women achieve orgasms. Through her work, in person and online, Vanessa has coached countless clients towards more fulfilling sex and a greater understanding of their bodies. In our conversation we cover Vanessa’s early desire to become a sex coach and the challenges that she faced on her journey towards her current status.

We then get into the nitty gritty of the big ‘O’, unpacking different types of desire, the dual control model, common myths on the subject and the helpful concept of curiosity. We also discuss sex toys, menopause, and some of the methods and resources that Vanessa offers.

Highlights

• How Vanessa found herself in the job of orgasm coach.
• The basis of Vanessa’s program for helping her clients.
• The strong bond between desire and orgasm.
• Differences between spontaneous and responsive desire.
• An explanation of the dual control model.
• Female orgasms are complex, how can we simplify it?
• Where to start focussing your efforts when learning how to orgasm.
• A few of the myths around female orgasm.
• The courses, steps and guides that Vanessa offers on her website
• Rethinking orgasm through the idea of curiosity.
• The use of sex toys in this endeavour.
• Menopause and orgasm and comparing different perspectives.
• A more realistic idea of a healthy sex life for couples.
• And much more!

Tweetables

“I always knew that female orgasm would be a hot topic in this area but I was definitely surprised by how many women were really desperately seeking some sort of solution.” — @VMTherapy [0:03:38.7]

“There’s a really powerful relationship between desire and orgasm and I think that a lot of women tend to neglect that relationship.” — @VMTherapy [0:07:50.3]

“I think it’s equally as important to think about what are the things that get in the way of me feeling desire.” — @VMTherapy [0:13:28.8]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Vanessa Marin — https://vmtherapy.com/

Brown University — https://www.brown.edu/

New York Times — https://www.nytimes.com/

Oprah — http://www.oprah.com/index.html

Real Simple — https://www.realsimple.com/

Finishing School — https://vmtherapy.com/how-to-orgasm/

Emily Nagoski  — http://www.emilynagoski.com/

Come As You Are — https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22609341-come-as-you-are

On today’s show we welcome Laurie Watson. Laurie is a Certified Sex Therapist and Licensed Couple’s Counselor and author of Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage. She is also the co-host of a podcast along with Dr. Adam Matthews called Foreplay: Radio Sex Therapy for Couples, designed to help couples keep it hot.

In clinical therapy, she has helped thousands of couples recover sexual passion and make love again in joyful, intimate, creative and exciting ways, sometimes even after years of sexless marriage. Inside this episode we dive into the topic of people wanting to reignite their passion and the desire that’s lost in a marriages or relationships. Laurie shares some incredible strategies to help you get back that fiery passion, today. We also diving into Laurie’s 444 Solution and getting your SEX confidence back!

Show Highlights

• Laurie’s background and how she came to writing Wanting Sex Again.
• How a good marriage becomes a sexless marriage.
• The power struggle between the pursuer and the “distancer” in the relationship.
• Examples of a pursuer and a distant person.
• Understanding the concept of Attachment theory.
• Detailed talkers versus bullet point talkers.
• Importance of secure attachment.
• Doing a self analysis to understand where you are at personally (and your relationship).
• Laurie’s 444 Solution and how to use it in your relationship.
• What birth control can do to a woman’s libido.
• The Madonna Whore Syndrome.
• Common issues affecting couples in their sex lives.
• Getting your self confidence and body confidence back.
• And so much more!

Tweetables

“Within two years of marriage, one third of all couples are sexless.” — @asklauriewatson [0:03:31.1]

“If there’s no big bang, there’s no big deal.” — @asklauriewatson [0:09:12.1]

“We need a talking avenue and we need a physical touching avenue to really have secure attachment.” — @asklauriewatson [0:15:53.1]

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode

Laurie Watson — http://lauriewatson.com/

Laurie’s Website — https://awakeningscenter.org/

Laurie on Twitter — https://twitter.com/asklauriewatson

Laurie on Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/foreplayrst/

Laurie on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/foreplay_radiosextherapy/

Laurie on LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurie-watson-436b551a/

Wanting Sex Again: How to Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage — https://www.amazon.com/Laurie-Watson-Wanting-Sex-Again/dp/B00G4GDCVI/

FOREPLAY: Radio Sex Therapy for Couples — http://foreplayrst.com/

Awakenings Center — https://awakeningscenter.org/

Love and Sex Quiz — https://awakeningscenter.org/love-sex-quiz/

Make Love Not Porn — makelovenotporn.tv