Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast

In today’s episode, Mary shares how her 4 year old son, Oliver seems to be struggling after the loss of his infant cousin. Oliver began to show signs of regression with bedtime during which he seems to experience high anxiety and fears. Sleep regression is normal and very understandable when dealing with something as big as death. Mary explains how Oliver is most open and communicative at bedtime. While it may seem intuitive to re-enforce this behavior so that Oliver continues to open up at bedtime, it's actually important to not keep reinforcing the behavior of doing this right before sleep.  Instead, keep the intention to connect to your child, but change the time and place for it.

CW:  Brief mention of Infant Loss and Death

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community.

Time stamps:

7:35 Regression in your child’s sleep is normal when dealing with difficult times

11:40 Common for kids to open up most around bedtime. Parenting can feel counterintuitive to stop your child from expressing themselves at bedtime and switch that openness to a different time of the day.

16:40 The worry box or the worry tree

26:03 Bedtime techniques/mindfulness practices

Leslie-ism: Help your child to understand: feelings come and feelings go

Here are two books mentioned in this episode.

• Starbright:  Meditations for Children by Maureen Garth
• Jibberwillies at Night by RachelVail (Author) and Yumi Heo (Illustrator) 

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and LeslieCohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music.  Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

In today’s episode, Mary shares how her 4 year old son, Oliver seems to be struggling after the loss of his infant cousin. Oliver began to show signs of regression with bedtime during which he seems to experience high anxiety and fears. Sleep regression is normal and very understandable when dealing with something as big as death. Mary explains how Oliver is most open and communicative at bedtime. While it may seem intuitive to re-enforce this behavior so that Oliver continues to open up at bedtime, it's actually important to not keep reinforcing the behavior of doing this right before sleep.  Instead, keep the intention to connect to your child, but change the time and place for it.

CW:  Brief mention of Infant Loss and Death

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community.

Time stamps:

7:35 Regression in your child’s sleep is normal when dealing with difficult times

11:40 Common for kids to open up most around bedtime. Parenting can feel counterintuitive to stop your child from expressing themselves at bedtime and switch that openness to a different time of the day.

16:40 The worry box or the worry tree

26:03 Bedtime techniques/mindfulness practices

Leslie-ism: Help your child to understand: feelings come and feelings go

Here are two books mentioned in this episode.

• Starbright:  Meditations for Children by Maureen Garth
• Jibberwillies at Night by RachelVail (Author) and Yumi Heo (Illustrator) 

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and LeslieCohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music.  Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

This is the second skills focused episode of the season in which Leslie and Dale talk about the art of apologizing.  Leslie talks about The Three Step Apology and how it evolved into the technique it is today.  Dale shares her journey with apologies and how she went from feeling like apologizing was impossible to finding the power of apologizing as an adult.  She also shares how she went from a blaming child to a responsible adult taking ownership of her behavior. This conversation between mother and daughter, emphasizes the importance of apologizing and the specific parts of an effective apology.  They use examples to illustrate the impact that parents can have by apologizing to their children to model that behavior/skill. 

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster Parenting Community.

Time stamps:

4:33 A description of the Three Steps Apology

10:45 Why so many adults have difficulty with apologizing

16:23 Parents modeling apologies

19:50 Children being hard on themselves for making a mistake

21:03 Blaming instead of apologizing

27:00  Apologies without behavior change lose meaning 

Leslie-ism:  Children can become responsible adults who know how to apologize when given the space to make mistakes.  

Show Note Links:

• Three Step Apology A description of what the steps are and examples of how to use this skill..
• I would like to give a shout out to Simple Families podcast where I was a guest talking with Denaya Barahona, Phd. all about exposing our children to things they are afraid of, things that we are afraid of and much more.  
• Book Reference:  Janis Abrahms Spring How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not to    A well written book with practical advice about the power of forgiveness.  

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

This is the second skills focused episode of the season in which Leslie and Dale talk about the art of apologizing.  Leslie talks about The Three Step Apology and how it evolved into the technique it is today.  Dale shares her journey with apologies and how she went from feeling like apologizing was impossible to finding the power of apologizing as an adult.  She also shares how she went from a blaming child to a responsible adult taking ownership of her behavior. This conversation between mother and daughter, emphasizes the importance of apologizing and the specific parts of an effective apology.  They use examples to illustrate the impact that parents can have by apologizing to their children to model that behavior/skill. 

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster Parenting Community.

Time stamps:

4:33 A description of the Three Steps Apology

10:45 Why so many adults have difficulty with apologizing

16:23 Parents modeling apologies

19:50 Children being hard on themselves for making a mistake

21:03 Blaming instead of apologizing

27:00  Apologies without behavior change lose meaning 

Leslie-ism:  Children can become responsible adults who know how to apologize when given the space to make mistakes.  

Show Note Links:

• Three Step Apology A description of what the steps are and examples of how to use this skill..
• I would like to give a shout out to Simple Families podcast where I was a guest talking with Denaya Barahona, Phd. all about exposing our children to things they are afraid of, things that we are afraid of and much more.  
• Book Reference:  Janis Abrahms Spring How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not to    A well written book with practical advice about the power of forgiveness.  

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

This is the final episode in the five part series with Kathryn. Kathryn shares how implementing some of her newly learned skills has been going.  Kathryn describes how these tricky conversations with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette have felt both satisfying and at times frustrating and where she is still feeling stuck.  Through role playing we take an indepth look at two examples. Leslie gives Kathryn some tips on how to communicate well, particularly when the topic of conversations is sensitive and might bring up some intense emotions.  These strategies for de-escalating polarizing conversations are key for effective communication.  

An additional note:  Leslie is qualified to share parenting knowledge and also appears to be challenged by her counting skills.  Listen for when she confidently proclaims that “tell me more” is a two-word phrase.

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit  https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community

Time stamps: 

11:00 Role playing difficult conversation with daughter about drugs

12:57 Leslie’s definition of a responsible child

16:19 Emotion mind vs wise mind in difficult conversations

18:24 Leslie describes new ways to consider a “time out” in a conversation

21:05 The importance of timing in difficult conversations

Leslie-ism:  It's hard to be effective when you’re in Emotion Mind.  Pauses can be helpful..

Show Note Links:

A video that demonstrates how validation/active listen can de-escalate conflicts   

•  Everybody Loves Raymond Uses Active Listening  

A handout  on how to de-escalate a conversation   10 Tips for Difficult Conversations 

"Setting up anxious kids for long term success" is the title of the episode where Leslie Cohen-Rubury is a guest on Well Hello Anxiety  with Dr Jodi Richardson 

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

This is the final episode in the five part series with Kathryn. Kathryn shares how implementing some of her newly learned skills has been going.  Kathryn describes how these tricky conversations with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette have felt both satisfying and at times frustrating and where she is still feeling stuck.  Through role playing we take an indepth look at two examples. Leslie gives Kathryn some tips on how to communicate well, particularly when the topic of conversations is sensitive and might bring up some intense emotions.  These strategies for de-escalating polarizing conversations are key for effective communication.  

An additional note:  Leslie is qualified to share parenting knowledge and also appears to be challenged by her counting skills.  Listen for when she confidently proclaims that “tell me more” is a two-word phrase.

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit  https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community

Time stamps: 

11:00 Role playing difficult conversation with daughter about drugs

12:57 Leslie’s definition of a responsible child

16:19 Emotion mind vs wise mind in difficult conversations

18:24 Leslie describes new ways to consider a “time out” in a conversation

21:05 The importance of timing in difficult conversations

Leslie-ism:  It's hard to be effective when you’re in Emotion Mind.  Pauses can be helpful..

Show Note Links:

A video that demonstrates how validation/active listen can de-escalate conflicts   

•  Everybody Loves Raymond Uses Active Listening  

A handout  on how to de-escalate a conversation   10 Tips for Difficult Conversations 

"Setting up anxious kids for long term success" is the title of the episode where Leslie Cohen-Rubury is a guest on Well Hello Anxiety  with Dr Jodi Richardson 

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

This is part four of the five part series. Kathryn and Leslie meet for a fourth time to continue to work on her relationship with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette. In this session, Kathryn describes the event that led to a break in trust between her and Bridgette. Leslie introduces The Three Step Apology skill to help guide Kathryn in repairing her relationship with her daughter. This skill is meant to replace the kind of apologies that have an unintentional element of blame and shame. Kathryn demonstrates the vulnerability and practice that's needed when trying to learn and implement this new skill. It's noteworthy that Kathryn was willing to make the apology first. No matter what age they are, children continue to imitate our behavior. Kathryn’s apology will model for Bridgette how to repair relationships throughout her life. 

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit  https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community.

Time stamps: 

5:10  Reinforcing skills.  Giving partial credit when learning skills in order to build mastery and reduce shame

8:32 Description of betrayal event

14:37 Description of Three Step Apology

20:45 Why parents get overwhelmed when dealing with their child’s issues - bringing up the past

23:55 Role Play of  practicing the Three Step Apology with Kathryn

Leslie-ism: Find an opportunity to apologize to your child for your part in a conflict. You may be pleasantly surprised at the response you get from your child. 

Show Note Links:

Three Step Apology A description of what the steps are and examples of how to use this skill..

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie

Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

This is part four of the five part series. Kathryn and Leslie meet for a fourth time to continue to work on her relationship with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette. In this session, Kathryn describes the event that led to a break in trust between her and Bridgette. Leslie introduces The Three Step Apology skill to help guide Kathryn in repairing her relationship with her daughter. This skill is meant to replace the kind of apologies that have an unintentional element of blame and shame. Kathryn demonstrates the vulnerability and practice that's needed when trying to learn and implement this new skill. It's noteworthy that Kathryn was willing to make the apology first. No matter what age they are, children continue to imitate our behavior. Kathryn’s apology will model for Bridgette how to repair relationships throughout her life. 

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit  https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community.

Time stamps: 

5:10  Reinforcing skills.  Giving partial credit when learning skills in order to build mastery and reduce shame

8:32 Description of betrayal event

14:37 Description of Three Step Apology

20:45 Why parents get overwhelmed when dealing with their child’s issues - bringing up the past

23:55 Role Play of  practicing the Three Step Apology with Kathryn

Leslie-ism: Find an opportunity to apologize to your child for your part in a conflict. You may be pleasantly surprised at the response you get from your child. 

Show Note Links:

Three Step Apology A description of what the steps are and examples of how to use this skill..

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie

Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

Children breaking rules is nothing new in the world of parenting.  Teens breaking rules is almost a given.  In this third part of the five part series, Kathryn is eager to learn how to set limits with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette. Trying to set limits with a child who seems like they have no limits may feel like an impossible task. But there are ways to do it. Even though the terminology of a dialectic perspective is not used in this episode, it is very much employed in the conversation. Leslie takes a dialectic approach with Kathryn in two ways during this episode. First, she begins by balancing the parent’s limits and the teen’s limits.  Leslie also differentiates between limits and boundaries.  Second, Leslie counterbalances the fear that parents often have when dealing with the problematic behaviors of their children.  Children often feel “my parents don't understand me”, or “my parents only focus on what I'm doing wrong and they don't see what I'm doing well”. This schism can be the root of conflict and potentially damaging to your child's mental health. As parents, holding the dialectic perspective means embracing both your child's skills and strengths as well as their problematic behaviors. 

As in Kathryn’s first two sessions, this episode has a lot of mature themes and contains adult language that may not be suitable for all audiences. 

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Time stamps: (rough estimates based on rough cut)

6:04 Assessing skills of your child before setting limits

10:13 Having a balanced view of your child: their strengths and weaknesses

14:18 Generational shame and how it impacts you and your child

15:58 Defining limits vs boundaries and personal limits vs child’s limits

28:08 How to have tough conversations with your kids. 

Leslie-ism: Take the time to notice your child’s strengths, not just their problematic behavior. 

Show Note Links:
Understanding  the Three Dialectic Dilemmas in the Adolescent-Parent Relationship

Resources:

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, sexual assaults  or other mental health issues there are resources available for you. 

• National Sexual assault hotline 800-656-HOPE (4763)
• National Substance Abuse Hotline 866-210-1303
• Substance abuse and mental health administration 1-800-662-HELP  (4357)
• National Alliance of Mental Illness 212-684-3264

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie

Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.

Children breaking rules is nothing new in the world of parenting.  Teens breaking rules is almost a given.  In this third part of the five part series, Kathryn is eager to learn how to set limits with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette. Trying to set limits with a child who seems like they have no limits may feel like an impossible task. But there are ways to do it. Even though the terminology of a dialectic perspective is not used in this episode, it is very much employed in the conversation. Leslie takes a dialectic approach with Kathryn in two ways during this episode. First, she begins by balancing the parent’s limits and the teen’s limits.  Leslie also differentiates between limits and boundaries.  Second, Leslie counterbalances the fear that parents often have when dealing with the problematic behaviors of their children.  Children often feel “my parents don't understand me”, or “my parents only focus on what I'm doing wrong and they don't see what I'm doing well”. This schism can be the root of conflict and potentially damaging to your child's mental health. As parents, holding the dialectic perspective means embracing both your child's skills and strengths as well as their problematic behaviors. 

As in Kathryn’s first two sessions, this episode has a lot of mature themes and contains adult language that may not be suitable for all audiences. 

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/. You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community.

Time stamps: (rough estimates based on rough cut)

6:04 Assessing skills of your child before setting limits

10:13 Having a balanced view of your child: their strengths and weaknesses

14:18 Generational shame and how it impacts you and your child

15:58 Defining limits vs boundaries and personal limits vs child’s limits

28:08 How to have tough conversations with your kids. 

Leslie-ism: Take the time to notice your child’s strengths, not just their problematic behavior. 

Show Note Links:
Understanding  the Three Dialectic Dilemmas in the Adolescent-Parent Relationship

Resources:

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, sexual assaults  or other mental health issues there are resources available for you. 

• National Sexual assault hotline 800-656-HOPE (4763)
• National Substance Abuse Hotline 866-210-1303
• Substance abuse and mental health administration 1-800-662-HELP  (4357)
• National Alliance of Mental Illness 212-684-3264

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Dale Rubury, and Leslie

Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music. Public relations is handled by Tink Media. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly. Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.