Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast

Hey parents,

Have you ever heard the saying … ‘what you resist persists’?

I mean, could it really be true that, in your daughter’s attempt to push away all those unwanted things, she only attracts more unwanted things?

The father of analytical psychology, Carl Jung, suggests that in your attempt to ‘resist’ certain situations, by focusing on what you don’t want, you actually cause those unwanted things to persist, or even grow.

Welcome back the Cultivating Resilient Teens podcast where I want to invite you and your daughter to try a quick brain game with me.

You can close your eyes, or simply use your mind’s eye to visualize something you desire … a giant scoop of ice cream, a beautiful sunset, or a fun event with friends.

Now, DON’T imagine a giant pink elephant.

Okay … did a giant pink elephant just photo bomb your image?

This is just one small example of the power your daughter has over her mind.

And why two key concepts play a huge role in her ability to build confidence, integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures.

Find the complete show notes and the two key concepts on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Ep – 37 How to Handle Your Daughter’s Toughest Social Challenge

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

Being Sensitive Can Be a Challenge … This Strategy Set Me Free!

Episode #11 Help Your Daughter Stay Focused in a World Full of Distractions with a 3 Step Solution

Hey parents,

I have a question for you … what throws your teenage daughter off more - her big emotions OR the after-effects that follow her reaction to her big emotions? 

Welcome back to the cultivating resilient teens podcast.

If you’re listening today, you probably recognize the value in understanding, and learning how to manage emotions capable of rocking your household and social circles.

So, today’s episode is offering you a ‘What to do When’ Guide that’s designed to help you and your daughter effectively handle the big emotions that stem from her toughest social challenges. 

And hopefully this guide is applicable with some of the other tough stuff too.

Because with all the ‘gears in motion’ during the adolescent years, having tools that minimize the guilt and guesswork are golden.

(Remember, all the resources shared in the podcast, including the full show notes, can be found on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.)

Thank You

Before we get into the guide, I want to send a shout out to the parents who courageously shared their daughter’s toughest social challenges with me.

Even though your daughter’s experiences were not easy for her - or you - it felt good to see each of you find an approach that moved the needle in a positive, feel-good direction. 

A Common Theme

Although each girl’s ‘toughest social challenge’ story felt unique, there was an obvious theme.

When your daughter is lied to by friends she trusts and believes has her back - is clearly one of the hardest experiences to navigate for passionate, connection seeking teens.

And, I’ll be honest with you, I almost ditched this podcast idea.

Maybe you can relate, because if you’re like me, being lied to touches on a pretty tender place inside me that doesn’t really enjoy, and certainly resists being poked at, if you know what I mean.

The Power of Self-Compassion

So, rather than spending time dissecting why teenage girls lie to one another; a conversation that I believe is most productive between coach and client in a safe, co-creative environment – I want to introduce you to the work of Dr. Kristin Neff because navigating, healing, and supporting those tender places inside your daughter needs a solid dose of self-compassion.

Find the Full Show Notes, including Your “What to do When’ Guide, visit my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

Wikipedia, Self-Compassion

Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power to Thrive | Kristin Neff, Ph.D. 

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-to-raise-a-socially-intelligent-and-resilient-teenager/

Episode #6 3 Simple Steps to Quiet Your Daughter’s Inner Critic and Boost her Self-Confidence

Hey parents,

I have a question for you … what throws your teenage daughter off more - her big emotions OR the after-effects that follow her reaction to her big emotions? 

Welcome back to the cultivating resilient teens podcast.

If you’re listening today, you probably recognize the value in understanding, and learning how to manage emotions capable of rocking your household and social circles.

So, today’s episode is offering you a ‘What to do When’ Guide that’s designed to help you and your daughter effectively handle the big emotions that stem from her toughest social challenges. 

And hopefully this guide is applicable with some of the other tough stuff too.

Because with all the ‘gears in motion’ during the adolescent years, having tools that minimize the guilt and guesswork are golden.

(Remember, all the resources shared in the podcast, including the full show notes, can be found on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.)

Thank You

Before we get into the guide, I want to send a shout out to the parents who courageously shared their daughter’s toughest social challenges with me.

Even though your daughter’s experiences were not easy for her - or you - it felt good to see each of you find an approach that moved the needle in a positive, feel-good direction. 

A Common Theme

Although each girl’s ‘toughest social challenge’ story felt unique, there was an obvious theme.

When your daughter is lied to by friends she trusts and believes has her back - is clearly one of the hardest experiences to navigate for passionate, connection seeking teens.

And, I’ll be honest with you, I almost ditched this podcast idea.

Maybe you can relate, because if you’re like me, being lied to touches on a pretty tender place inside me that doesn’t really enjoy, and certainly resists being poked at, if you know what I mean.

The Power of Self-Compassion

So, rather than spending time dissecting why teenage girls lie to one another; a conversation that I believe is most productive between coach and client in a safe, co-creative environment – I want to introduce you to the work of Dr. Kristin Neff because navigating, healing, and supporting those tender places inside your daughter needs a solid dose of self-compassion.

Find the Full Show Notes, including Your “What to do When’ Guide, visit my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

Wikipedia, Self-Compassion

Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power to Thrive | Kristin Neff, Ph.D. 

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how-to-raise-a-socially-intelligent-and-resilient-teenager/

Episode #6 3 Simple Steps to Quiet Your Daughter’s Inner Critic and Boost her Self-Confidence

Hey parents,

I’m interrupting the regularly scheduled podcast to bring up a concerning issue I experienced, the clients enrolled in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program are talking about, and maybe it’s coming up for your daughter, too.

As we’re moving through the covid pandemic - a time that challenged us collectively and impacted each of us a little differently – there appears to be a heightened sense of awareness that’s positive in some ways and a bit damaging, in others.

What’s Happening

As you know, most teenage girls already feel like they’re over scrutinized and judged.

So, when your daughter feels a heightened sense of what other people may be thinking and saying, a chain reaction often occurs that looks something like … 

• Overthinking or distorted thinking about comments / situations
• Second guessing herself and her role in the interactions
• And unexplained fatigue or an overall lack of motivation

I think we can all agree that now more than ever, your daughter needs and deserves to experience moments of joy and spontaneity to make up for all the missed opportunities.

And, I wanted to say, that the next episode will be part three of the deep dive into your daughter’s sense of self with the ‘What to do When’ Guide.

Because I think your shared experiences – thank you for trusting me with your personal stories - are definitely going to help other parents and teens realize they’re not alone on this often-tumultuous journey.

Actually, the ‘What to do When’ Guide is morphing into a series of its own, so stay tuned as I break down the problems and solutions into smaller, more digestible pieces.

Today’s Question

Okay, let’s get into today’s question … 

how many times has your daughter replayed a past situation in her head and wondered what would have happened if she responded or reacted differently?

As I was reflecting on the situations my private coaching clients are experiencing, I wanted to invite you and your daughter to take a moment and assess what you’re feeling and observing too.

It seems the upside to the pandemic is that overall, people seem less tense and are more cordial.

But the pandemic also seems to have opened the door to increased scrutiny of others.

The intense feeling of being overly assessed by your peers or by strangers, usually doesn’t feel good, and will certainly have an impact on your daughter’s sense of self and her social scenarios.

Tuning In

Personally speaking, as a parent and teen coach I really do my best to stay in tune with my thoughts and emotions and use effective tools and strategies to keep a clear mind so I can show up in the world in a way that feels good to me.

But because I’m also a human, I’m not immune to the tough emotions that get triggered when I feel like I’m being judged or totally misunderstood.

And last week, I got a taste for what my clients have been talking about.

I think you'll enjoy hearing how my situation helped me understand, on a personal level, what my clients have been talking about.

Find the full Show Notes on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

Hey parents,

I’m interrupting the regularly scheduled podcast to bring up a concerning issue I experienced, the clients enrolled in my 90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program are talking about, and maybe it’s coming up for your daughter, too.

As we’re moving through the covid pandemic - a time that challenged us collectively and impacted each of us a little differently – there appears to be a heightened sense of awareness that’s positive in some ways and a bit damaging, in others.

What’s Happening

As you know, most teenage girls already feel like they’re over scrutinized and judged.

So, when your daughter feels a heightened sense of what other people may be thinking and saying, a chain reaction often occurs that looks something like … 

• Overthinking or distorted thinking about comments / situations
• Second guessing herself and her role in the interactions
• And unexplained fatigue or an overall lack of motivation

I think we can all agree that now more than ever, your daughter needs and deserves to experience moments of joy and spontaneity to make up for all the missed opportunities.

And, I wanted to say, that the next episode will be part three of the deep dive into your daughter’s sense of self with the ‘What to do When’ Guide.

Because I think your shared experiences – thank you for trusting me with your personal stories - are definitely going to help other parents and teens realize they’re not alone on this often-tumultuous journey.

Actually, the ‘What to do When’ Guide is morphing into a series of its own, so stay tuned as I break down the problems and solutions into smaller, more digestible pieces.

Today’s Question

Okay, let’s get into today’s question … 

how many times has your daughter replayed a past situation in her head and wondered what would have happened if she responded or reacted differently?

As I was reflecting on the situations my private coaching clients are experiencing, I wanted to invite you and your daughter to take a moment and assess what you’re feeling and observing too.

It seems the upside to the pandemic is that overall, people seem less tense and are more cordial.

But the pandemic also seems to have opened the door to increased scrutiny of others.

The intense feeling of being overly assessed by your peers or by strangers, usually doesn’t feel good, and will certainly have an impact on your daughter’s sense of self and her social scenarios.

Tuning In

Personally speaking, as a parent and teen coach I really do my best to stay in tune with my thoughts and emotions and use effective tools and strategies to keep a clear mind so I can show up in the world in a way that feels good to me.

But because I’m also a human, I’m not immune to the tough emotions that get triggered when I feel like I’m being judged or totally misunderstood.

And last week, I got a taste for what my clients have been talking about.

I think you'll enjoy hearing how my situation helped me understand, on a personal level, what my clients have been talking about.

Find the full Show Notes on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Podcast Resources:

90 Days to a More Resilient Teen Coaching Program

Hey parents, 

How much do your daughter’s friendships influence HER attitude, mood and motivation?

As a parent and teen coach I hear a lot of stories about how other people’s actions and reactions seem to affect my client’s well-being.

Of course, it’s natural for connection seeking teens to be influenced by their environment, especially their social scenarios.

The hard part is, humans, not just teenage girls, are naturally fickle.

So, if your daughter is always acting or reacting to what’s happening in her external environment, in the moment, she may feel like she’s constantly bouncing around like a ping pong ball … up one minute, down the next. 

And truth be told, even if her wild emotions give her a boost of energy, it’s not a healthy habit she’ll want to keep around. 

Heads Up

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast

This is the second podcast of a three-part series where we’re diving deeper into what it looks like to develop your daughter’s sense of self and how she can design social scenarios that align with who she truly is or who she desires to be. 

Find the complete show notes, resources, and links to previous episodes on my website, cultivating resilient teens.com.

Before we get rolling today, I want to give you a little heads up that today’s topic, if you’re listing with your daughter, may evoke an eye roll before a head nod, and here’s why.

Most teenage girls have:

·         beliefs

·         hopes 

·         and expectations 

that influence how they go about creating and keeping friendships.

Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot of information or conversation about how those beliefs, hopes and expectations come to fruition.

Though, they’re often the result of their upbringing, environment, and past social experiences.

So here’s the hard part, if your daughter isn’t aware of what her beliefs, hopes and expectations are - and how they influence her relationships - she’s going to bounce.

If she’s getting the attention that meets her expectations, she’ll bounce up.

And when she doesn’t get the reaction or response she wants, her mood will dip.

ME and WE

As you might imagine, relying on other people to moderate her mood and motivation level is exhausting, and will leave her feeling pretty powerless. 

The good news is it doesn’t have to be that way.

When your daughter is clear with her core friendship values, she’ll be able to establish a clear boundary between ME and WE.

3 Red Flags

In order to set clear boundaries, you’ll want to be aware of a few situations, or red flags, that cause things to get messy. 

You can read about the 3 Red Flags and the Simple Solution to Raising a Socially Resilient Teen on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Keeping in Real

Like I’ve said before, ya all are what make this podcast REAL and meaningful.

Thank you for being here, for spending the time to build this community, for sharing this podcast with your friends, for trusting me to work with you and your daughter and for coming together so we can collectively empower teenage girls to build confidence integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures.

I look forward to talking with you about ‘What to do When …?’ because when you have a guide to handle life’s toughest social challenges with grace and ease, you’ll feel good about your responses and eliminate the guilt and guesswork.

Until next time my friends, know that I’m thinking of you!

Podcast Resources:

Hey parents, 

How much do your daughter’s friendships influence HER attitude, mood and motivation?

As a parent and teen coach I hear a lot of stories about how other people’s actions and reactions seem to affect my client’s well-being.

Of course, it’s natural for connection seeking teens to be influenced by their environment, especially their social scenarios.

The hard part is, humans, not just teenage girls, are naturally fickle.

So, if your daughter is always acting or reacting to what’s happening in her external environment, in the moment, she may feel like she’s constantly bouncing around like a ping pong ball … up one minute, down the next. 

And truth be told, even if her wild emotions give her a boost of energy, it’s not a healthy habit she’ll want to keep around. 

Heads Up

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast

This is the second podcast of a three-part series where we’re diving deeper into what it looks like to develop your daughter’s sense of self and how she can design social scenarios that align with who she truly is or who she desires to be. 

Find the complete show notes, resources, and links to previous episodes on my website, cultivating resilient teens.com.

Before we get rolling today, I want to give you a little heads up that today’s topic, if you’re listing with your daughter, may evoke an eye roll before a head nod, and here’s why.

Most teenage girls have:

·         beliefs

·         hopes 

·         and expectations 

that influence how they go about creating and keeping friendships.

Unfortunately, there’s not a whole lot of information or conversation about how those beliefs, hopes and expectations come to fruition.

Though, they’re often the result of their upbringing, environment, and past social experiences.

So here’s the hard part, if your daughter isn’t aware of what her beliefs, hopes and expectations are - and how they influence her relationships - she’s going to bounce.

If she’s getting the attention that meets her expectations, she’ll bounce up.

And when she doesn’t get the reaction or response she wants, her mood will dip.

ME and WE

As you might imagine, relying on other people to moderate her mood and motivation level is exhausting, and will leave her feeling pretty powerless. 

The good news is it doesn’t have to be that way.

When your daughter is clear with her core friendship values, she’ll be able to establish a clear boundary between ME and WE.

3 Red Flags

In order to set clear boundaries, you’ll want to be aware of a few situations, or red flags, that cause things to get messy. 

You can read about the 3 Red Flags and the Simple Solution to Raising a Socially Resilient Teen on my website, cultivatingresilientteens.com.

Keeping in Real

Like I’ve said before, ya all are what make this podcast REAL and meaningful.

Thank you for being here, for spending the time to build this community, for sharing this podcast with your friends, for trusting me to work with you and your daughter and for coming together so we can collectively empower teenage girls to build confidence integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures.

I look forward to talking with you about ‘What to do When …?’ because when you have a guide to handle life’s toughest social challenges with grace and ease, you’ll feel good about your responses and eliminate the guilt and guesswork.

Until next time my friends, know that I’m thinking of you!

Podcast Resources:

Hey parents, 

I wanted to share a personal conversation I had with a dear friend I’ve known for over 30 years because she raised a great question that’s relatable to anyone raising teens. 

 My girlfriend and I met when we were in the thick of our teenage years and now, we’re both raising teens, so we naturally we found ourselves talking about all the social complexities teens experience, particularly when it comes to concept of defining your daughter’s ideal “tribe.”

I’m so grateful my girlfriend brought up this issue because, honestly, as a new podcaster, it’s really easy to get caught up in what the experts say you’re supposed to do to have a successful podcast.

 The Proverbial Box

 Between you and I, I’ve never thrived when I’ve had to operate inside the ‘proverbial’ box.

 And when it comes to defining a tribe that feels good to your daughter – that doesn’t fit inside a box either.

 Which may cause some confusion if she’s comparing her interests to what she sees on her media platforms.

 Because the larger and fancier the group photo, the more she may think … huge tribe = happiness. 

 But deep down, we all know that what we think we need isn’t always what we really need.

 The Million Dollar Question

 And that’s why I’d like to ask you … how does YOUR daughter define her tribe?

 Find the full Podcast Episode, including what you can do as parents, at cultivatingresilientteens.com

Lastly, one of the best parts of this podcast is YOU. 

And our community is growing quickly.

It’s super cool to see you’re listening across the globe because we all share this common trait – we’re stronger when we feel connected to one another.

So, if you’d take a moment and post one strategy you’ve found helpful on the iTunes podcast app, that would be awesome.

Your interaction helps other parents, just like us, find the show.

Okay, that’s all for today.

I look forward to connecting with you next time.

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

Hey parents, 

I wanted to share a personal conversation I had with a dear friend I’ve known for over 30 years because she raised a great question that’s relatable to anyone raising teens. 

 My girlfriend and I met when we were in the thick of our teenage years and now, we’re both raising teens, so we naturally we found ourselves talking about all the social complexities teens experience, particularly when it comes to concept of defining your daughter’s ideal “tribe.”

I’m so grateful my girlfriend brought up this issue because, honestly, as a new podcaster, it’s really easy to get caught up in what the experts say you’re supposed to do to have a successful podcast.

 The Proverbial Box

 Between you and I, I’ve never thrived when I’ve had to operate inside the ‘proverbial’ box.

 And when it comes to defining a tribe that feels good to your daughter – that doesn’t fit inside a box either.

 Which may cause some confusion if she’s comparing her interests to what she sees on her media platforms.

 Because the larger and fancier the group photo, the more she may think … huge tribe = happiness. 

 But deep down, we all know that what we think we need isn’t always what we really need.

 The Million Dollar Question

 And that’s why I’d like to ask you … how does YOUR daughter define her tribe?

 Find the full Podcast Episode, including what you can do as parents, at cultivatingresilientteens.com

Lastly, one of the best parts of this podcast is YOU. 

And our community is growing quickly.

It’s super cool to see you’re listening across the globe because we all share this common trait – we’re stronger when we feel connected to one another.

So, if you’d take a moment and post one strategy you’ve found helpful on the iTunes podcast app, that would be awesome.

Your interaction helps other parents, just like us, find the show.

Okay, that’s all for today.

I look forward to connecting with you next time.

Podcast Resources:

Episode #16 Does Your Teenage Daughter Need a Strong Sense of Self to be Successful in Life?

Episode #18 2 Key Elements Your Daughter Needs to Design Healthy Social Scenarios

Hey Parents, does your teenage daughter doubt herself or feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with her when things don’t work out?

It’s so easy to weave the “Ugh, what’s wrong with ME?” narrative into an emotionally triggering situation.

The Good News

The good news is, there’s an effective way for your daughter to deactivate doubt, get stronger and feel more self-confident. 

Welcome back to the Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast where you can find the full show notes at cultivatingresilientteens.com.

What’s Really Going On? 

So, as we move into the summer months, whether your daughter will be part of a 

• new club
• camp
• team 

OR is planning to be more of a free-range chicken and in charge of her daily activities, it’s worth taking the time to continue to learn about her developing sense of self and how to design healthy social scenarios. 

Because, understanding how she sees herself, what she thinks about herself and how she talks to and about herself will give you the clues YOU NEED to empower her to build her confidence, integrity and resilience for all of life’s adventures.

The Figure it Out Formula

The secret in the secret formula is this – it takes you right to the heart of the matter. 

And getting to the heart of the matter will help keep your daughter out of the weeds.

The Figure it Out Formula goes like this … turn your left palm over so it’s facing upwards.

Find the 5 Steps to the complete show notes, including The Figure it Out Formula on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/podcast/

Podcast Resources:

Ep – 27 3 Insights Every Teenage Girl Needs to Ace Tricky Social Situations

Ep – 28 How to Break Free from Thinking Errors that Wreck Your Daughter’s Confidence

Ep 29 - A Bite-Sized Solution to Protect your Daughter’s Most Important Asset