Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast

Hey Parents,

What’s the best way to support your daughter if she hasn’t found her “just right” tribe? 

As a caring, resourceful, and hard-working parent, if this question is keeping you up at night, you’re not alone.

Welcome back to Episode #13

Where we’re going to answer this question because it can be tough to know if …

·         It’s time to address certain friend or peer issues 

·         or if it’s best to step back and give your daughter some space

In my private coaching practice, I’m often asked by parents, just like you, what’s the best way to support your daughter as she begins to spread her beautiful, independent wings, and establish a tribe outside the family.

As you know, raising teenagers isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of experience, though, over the years, I’ve noticed patterns emerge as teenage girls begin the tribe building rite-of-passage.

And I want to share that information with you so you and your daughter can make the best decisions for her health and wellbeing.

One of the first signs that your daughter is ready to discover who she is outside the family is she’ll begin to prioritize time with her friends, over family time.

That’s why, ideally, her tribe will:

• share common interests, values, and goals
• embrace each other’s uniqueness
• and encourage individual greatness

But what if she doesn’t find a tribe that honors and appreciates her value?

This can get a little tricky.

So, let’s identify the 3 signs that may indicate your daughter hasn’t found her just right tribe yet and how to support her.

You'll find the full show notes on my website https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/podcast/

Can one magical moment in time make your daughter happier?

I believe it can! 

Welcome back to Episode #12

Where we’re going to get a little personal for the sake of guiding your daughter around the proverbial dark hole – a life lesson that wasn’t exactly graceful for me. 

I’m going to begin by asking you kind of fiery question – and you’ll understand why once we get this conversation going.

Is possible that your teenage daughter too stubborn to change?

Well, I certainly was.

And blurring the lines between loyalty and certainty didn’t help me, either. 

Because here’s the thing about growing up - sometimes we get stuck in our own thinking.

We believe …I’m this or I’m that OR I’m good at this and terrible at that. 

In my case, my stubborn pride kept me thinking … I’m a loyal person.

And loyal people stay in relationships and make them work.

But, as you probably know, life and relationships don’t really work that way.

And when things didn’t exactly go well, I did what so many teenagers do.

I spent countless hours hoping, wishing, and thinking “if only” the circumstances were different, then I’d be happy. 

And “if only” this person would just see things my way, our relationship will work out.

Well, it’s probably not surprising to hear this relationship was a complete roller coaster.

Until one day, when my magical moment came along.

Thankfully, one of my greatest mentors, my mom, shared a short story with me.

It was Portia Nelson’s Autobiography in Five Short Chapters.

I may have been more annoyed than grateful, but this little book was the catalyst that nudged me to:

• Take responsibility for the choices I’d been making in my relationship
• And acknowledge it was time to change – change my behavior – you know, all the things that were frustrating me. 

So, if your teenage daughter is:

• Ignoring or short cutting her needs
• Constantly making excuses to justify some of her choices
• Or lingering in a relationship where she feels disrespected and undervalued

You’ll want to listen to this podcast together!

Honestly, looking back, I’m not sure how many times I walked right into the deep hole before I finally decided to go around, and eventually, chose a completely different path.

What I can tell you - is that once I realized, 

Even though being loyal is a lovely trait, my stubborn beliefs skewed the big picture.

What I was craving was 

·        a sense of certainty that things would work out

·        And that amazing feeling that comes with true love and connection

So now, I ask you … what would you do?

Is your daughter open to looking at habits that may be keeping her from what she truly wants and needs?

If she’s ready, here’s some intel on what helps my clients create positive change.

You'll find all the important details on my Website, Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast.

I’m excited to connect with you all again next Tuesday.

Can one magical moment in time make your daughter happier?

I believe it can! 

Welcome back to Episode #12

Where we’re going to get a little personal for the sake of guiding your daughter around the proverbial dark hole – a life lesson that wasn’t exactly graceful for me. 

I’m going to begin by asking you kind of fiery question – and you’ll understand why once we get this conversation going.

Is possible that your teenage daughter too stubborn to change?

Well, I certainly was.

And blurring the lines between loyalty and certainty didn’t help me, either. 

Because here’s the thing about growing up - sometimes we get stuck in our own thinking.

We believe …I’m this or I’m that OR I’m good at this and terrible at that. 

In my case, my stubborn pride kept me thinking … I’m a loyal person.

And loyal people stay in relationships and make them work.

But, as you probably know, life and relationships don’t really work that way.

And when things didn’t exactly go well, I did what so many teenagers do.

I spent countless hours hoping, wishing, and thinking “if only” the circumstances were different, then I’d be happy. 

And “if only” this person would just see things my way, our relationship will work out.

Well, it’s probably not surprising to hear this relationship was a complete roller coaster.

Until one day, when my magical moment came along.

Thankfully, one of my greatest mentors, my mom, shared a short story with me.

It was Portia Nelson’s Autobiography in Five Short Chapters.

I may have been more annoyed than grateful, but this little book was the catalyst that nudged me to:

• Take responsibility for the choices I’d been making in my relationship
• And acknowledge it was time to change – change my behavior – you know, all the things that were frustrating me. 

So, if your teenage daughter is:

• Ignoring or short cutting her needs
• Constantly making excuses to justify some of her choices
• Or lingering in a relationship where she feels disrespected and undervalued

You’ll want to listen to this podcast together!

Honestly, looking back, I’m not sure how many times I walked right into the deep hole before I finally decided to go around, and eventually, chose a completely different path.

What I can tell you - is that once I realized, 

Even though being loyal is a lovely trait, my stubborn beliefs skewed the big picture.

What I was craving was 

·        a sense of certainty that things would work out

·        And that amazing feeling that comes with true love and connection

So now, I ask you … what would you do?

Is your daughter open to looking at habits that may be keeping her from what she truly wants and needs?

If she’s ready, here’s some intel on what helps my clients create positive change.

You'll find all the important details on my Website, Cultivating Resilient Teens Podcast.

I’m excited to connect with you all again next Tuesday.

I’m so glad you’re here because today we’re going to talk about something your daughter’s probably doing every single day.

I’m guilty of it and, honestly, you might be too.

Welcome back to episode #11

Where you and your daughter are going to need two things:

·        your sense of humor

·        and a dose of honest self-reflection

Because it’s no secret that we live in a world full of distractions.

And, well, sometimes, we get totally sucked into the noisy vortex without even realizing it.

That’s why I want to introduce you to a concept call Continuous Partial Attention or CPA.

The concept, continuous partial attention was coined in 1998, by a researcher named Linda Stone, who, while working for Microsoft, noticed that many people in the tech industry worked with a split focus.

Meaning that, as they were working on an important task, they were also receiving partial input from a variety of other sources. 

Fast forward to 2020 and the introduction of full or part time at-home learning.

A laptop or chrome book in front of your daughter several hours a day.

She’s bored, she desperately misses her classmates, friends and teachers

Soooo, she starts playing Among Us, while …

·        simultaneously Snap Chatting her buddies

·        scrolling through TiKTok or Instagram

·        finish up a bit of overlooked homework

·        googling something that wasn’t clear to her

·        daydreaming about all the fun things she misses about school

And wa-la, her brain is receiving and processing input from several different sources

So, it no surprise that when it’s time to complete an assignment

She thinks, “I can’t concentrate on this”

And googles “Do I have ADD?”

That's why I want to offer you and your daughter a 3 Step Solution so she can stay focused in a world full of distractions. 

Find the 3 Step Solution and the full Podcast on my website:
https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

Podcast Resources:
Podcast Episode #8 Put an End to the Teenage Comparison Trap and Build Rock Solid Resilience
Social Buddy | How Much Time Do People Spend on Social Media? 

I’m so glad you’re here because today we’re going to talk about something your daughter’s probably doing every single day.

I’m guilty of it and, honestly, you might be too.

Welcome back to episode #11

Where you and your daughter are going to need two things:

·        your sense of humor

·        and a dose of honest self-reflection

Because it’s no secret that we live in a world full of distractions.

And, well, sometimes, we get totally sucked into the noisy vortex without even realizing it.

That’s why I want to introduce you to a concept call Continuous Partial Attention or CPA.

The concept, continuous partial attention was coined in 1998, by a researcher named Linda Stone, who, while working for Microsoft, noticed that many people in the tech industry worked with a split focus.

Meaning that, as they were working on an important task, they were also receiving partial input from a variety of other sources. 

Fast forward to 2020 and the introduction of full or part time at-home learning.

A laptop or chrome book in front of your daughter several hours a day.

She’s bored, she desperately misses her classmates, friends and teachers

Soooo, she starts playing Among Us, while …

·        simultaneously Snap Chatting her buddies

·        scrolling through TiKTok or Instagram

·        finish up a bit of overlooked homework

·        googling something that wasn’t clear to her

·        daydreaming about all the fun things she misses about school

And wa-la, her brain is receiving and processing input from several different sources

So, it no surprise that when it’s time to complete an assignment

She thinks, “I can’t concentrate on this”

And googles “Do I have ADD?”

That's why I want to offer you and your daughter a 3 Step Solution so she can stay focused in a world full of distractions. 

Find the 3 Step Solution and the full Podcast on my website:
https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

Podcast Resources:
Podcast Episode #8 Put an End to the Teenage Comparison Trap and Build Rock Solid Resilience
Social Buddy | How Much Time Do People Spend on Social Media? 

Hey parents, welcome back to Episode #10 - today’s episode is short and sweet.

And I’m doing something I’ve never done before, I’m bypassing the originally scheduled podcast for a couple reasons.

First, it’s been a tough couple weeks for most teenagers.

My clients, their families, our friends, my family, no one is immune from covid fatigue.

And as much as I’m ready to deliver some good news, I feel the need to share something with you that’s incredibly important and especially relevant right now.

Honestly, it hurts my heart that we even have to talk about this, but as I was making dinner the other night, the nightly news was playing in the background.

And, my ears perked up when I heard them talking about the suicide of a young boy and I immediately recognized the father’s voice.

It’s a heart wrenching video that’s had over a hundred million views - so maybe you’ve seen it, too?

Not only did it catch my attention, but the statistics that followed, really pulled on my parental heart strings.

Now, as a parent of teenagers, I can certainly understand that it’s tough to know what’s "developmentally normal” because of the nature of the adolescent landscape.

The …

• intense feelings
• hormonal fluctuations
• and all the other mental and emotional rites of passage

can definitely make it feel like a guessing game sometimes.

However, NOW, more than ever, I want to encourage you to keep a keen eye on your teenager and not dismiss the ups and downs as “just a stage.”

And here’s why…the statistics from the NBC nightly news on Tuesday, November 17th stated that “11 to 17-year-old’s have been more likely to experience symptoms of anxiety and depression during the pandemic.”

So, if there was ever a time to have those hard conversations about anxiety, disappointment, sadness, suicide, or self-harm, it’s now.

And, if you’re like most parents, it can be really challenging to know HOW to have one of those tough conversations.

Try these  3 Easy Conversation Starters and help your daughter stay afloat during the covid-19 pandemic. 

Please remember, active listening is key.

The 3 Conversation Starter question's are:

1.   When you think about everything that covid has changed for you, what’s the hardest or weirdest thing?

2.   What do your friends think about what’s going on?

3.   If you could change anything in your life right now, what would it be?

Of course, it’s ideal to have an in-person conversation, though it’s not always realistic.

And sometimes it may be easier to bring things up or get things started via text or an emailed note - find what works for you.

And if you’re just not comfortable with this or just not sure what’s going on with your teenager, that’s okay.

You’re definitely not alone.

But DO find someone who can help and support you.

Lastly, the experts at the Child Mind Institute, things you’ll want to be aware of are:

• behavioral and personality changes
• angsty, irritable or withdrawn behavior
• or if your teen talks about dying or death

As we move into the holidays, especially the Thanksgiving holiday here in the United States, I want to say Thank You; I'm so grateful to each and every one of you for listening every week and sharing this podcast.

Podcast Resources:
Find the full descriptions and direct links on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

NBC Nightly News Broadcast | 11.17.2020 | America Under Pressure Series

Child Mind Institute | Mental Health America / October 2020 |National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Hey parents, welcome back to Episode #10 - today’s episode is short and sweet.

And I’m doing something I’ve never done before, I’m bypassing the originally scheduled podcast for a couple reasons.

First, it’s been a tough couple weeks for most teenagers.

My clients, their families, our friends, my family, no one is immune from covid fatigue.

And as much as I’m ready to deliver some good news, I feel the need to share something with you that’s incredibly important and especially relevant right now.

Honestly, it hurts my heart that we even have to talk about this, but as I was making dinner the other night, the nightly news was playing in the background.

And, my ears perked up when I heard them talking about the suicide of a young boy and I immediately recognized the father’s voice.

It’s a heart wrenching video that’s had over a hundred million views - so maybe you’ve seen it, too?

Not only did it catch my attention, but the statistics that followed, really pulled on my parental heart strings.

Now, as a parent of teenagers, I can certainly understand that it’s tough to know what’s "developmentally normal” because of the nature of the adolescent landscape.

The …

• intense feelings
• hormonal fluctuations
• and all the other mental and emotional rites of passage

can definitely make it feel like a guessing game sometimes.

However, NOW, more than ever, I want to encourage you to keep a keen eye on your teenager and not dismiss the ups and downs as “just a stage.”

And here’s why…the statistics from the NBC nightly news on Tuesday, November 17th stated that “11 to 17-year-old’s have been more likely to experience symptoms of anxiety and depression during the pandemic.”

So, if there was ever a time to have those hard conversations about anxiety, disappointment, sadness, suicide, or self-harm, it’s now.

And, if you’re like most parents, it can be really challenging to know HOW to have one of those tough conversations.

Try these  3 Easy Conversation Starters and help your daughter stay afloat during the covid-19 pandemic. 

Please remember, active listening is key.

The 3 Conversation Starter question's are:

1.   When you think about everything that covid has changed for you, what’s the hardest or weirdest thing?

2.   What do your friends think about what’s going on?

3.   If you could change anything in your life right now, what would it be?

Of course, it’s ideal to have an in-person conversation, though it’s not always realistic.

And sometimes it may be easier to bring things up or get things started via text or an emailed note - find what works for you.

And if you’re just not comfortable with this or just not sure what’s going on with your teenager, that’s okay.

You’re definitely not alone.

But DO find someone who can help and support you.

Lastly, the experts at the Child Mind Institute, things you’ll want to be aware of are:

• behavioral and personality changes
• angsty, irritable or withdrawn behavior
• or if your teen talks about dying or death

As we move into the holidays, especially the Thanksgiving holiday here in the United States, I want to say Thank You; I'm so grateful to each and every one of you for listening every week and sharing this podcast.

Podcast Resources:
Find the full descriptions and direct links on my website, https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/

NBC Nightly News Broadcast | 11.17.2020 | America Under Pressure Series

Child Mind Institute | Mental Health America / October 2020 |National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Hey parents,
Welcome back to episode #9
Before we dive into today’s episode I wanted to take a minute to say thank so much for reaching out and letting me know how valuable episodes #7 and 8 were for you and your daughter.
It’s not always easy to talk about the tough stuff,  especially right now, with so many teenagers 

• trying to navigate the back-and-forth-to-school 
• and keeping their spirits up even though they’re missing out on so many important rites of passage

The upside is there’s definitely some solace in knowing that you’re not alone.

We all struggle with what to do sometimes, but INDECISION can become an epidemic in the teenage years because there’s a lot at stake.

Chances are, there’s been a time or two when you’ve had an interaction with your daughter that looks something like you asking … “why don’t you stop scrolling through your phone and make some plans with your friends?

And then you either hear crickets, catch a sideways glance, or hear a muttered, “uh, I don’t know.”

But, I think it’s important for you to know that “I don’t know” IS a real response.

And it can mean many, many things, depending on 

• if your daughter has been hurt by her friends in the past
• or if her tribe is in the midst of some tribal unrest

So even though your daughter really wants that happy, connected feeling, taking a risk – socially and emotionally right now - may feel like too much.

But the good news is, she CAN definitely learn to move through her “I don’t know” and confidently make a decision, no matter how difficult her situation may be.

First, I’d like to encourage her to try the 3 Practical Approaches we talked about in Episode #5 How to Turn Your Daughter’s Fears into Opportunities to Grow.

One of the best ways to bust through the walls of indecision and feel confident about her decisions is to combine the 3 Practical Approaches and to equip your daughter with-The Choice Tool.

The Choice Tool helps your daughter get really clear about 

• what her intentions are
• what she wants
• and what she needs

so she can make a decision that feels good to her.

The Choice Tool is 3 Key Questions:

1.  How important this decision is to you?
2. Who are you making this decision for?
3. What will you do if things go exactly as planned OR don’t quite go the way you’d hoped they would?

Head over to my website Cultivating Resilient Teens to learn how to put the 3 Key Questions into practice. 

You can also grab a complimentary Discovery Session.

Or, I’m now offering a 90 Minute Strategy Session.

And be sure to listen in next week because we’re going to offer you a few really important tips that’ll help your daughter stay focused in a world full of distractions.

Podcast Resources:
Episode #5 How to Turn Your Daughter’s Fears into Opportunities to Grow
Grab a complimentary Discovery Session
90 Minutes to Clarity and Strategies that Workwith Shawna Warner

Hey parents,
Welcome back to episode #9
Before we dive into today’s episode I wanted to take a minute to say thank so much for reaching out and letting me know how valuable episodes #7 and 8 were for you and your daughter.
It’s not always easy to talk about the tough stuff,  especially right now, with so many teenagers 

• trying to navigate the back-and-forth-to-school 
• and keeping their spirits up even though they’re missing out on so many important rites of passage

The upside is there’s definitely some solace in knowing that you’re not alone.

We all struggle with what to do sometimes, but INDECISION can become an epidemic in the teenage years because there’s a lot at stake.

Chances are, there’s been a time or two when you’ve had an interaction with your daughter that looks something like you asking … “why don’t you stop scrolling through your phone and make some plans with your friends?

And then you either hear crickets, catch a sideways glance, or hear a muttered, “uh, I don’t know.”

But, I think it’s important for you to know that “I don’t know” IS a real response.

And it can mean many, many things, depending on 

• if your daughter has been hurt by her friends in the past
• or if her tribe is in the midst of some tribal unrest

So even though your daughter really wants that happy, connected feeling, taking a risk – socially and emotionally right now - may feel like too much.

But the good news is, she CAN definitely learn to move through her “I don’t know” and confidently make a decision, no matter how difficult her situation may be.

First, I’d like to encourage her to try the 3 Practical Approaches we talked about in Episode #5 How to Turn Your Daughter’s Fears into Opportunities to Grow.

One of the best ways to bust through the walls of indecision and feel confident about her decisions is to combine the 3 Practical Approaches and to equip your daughter with-The Choice Tool.

The Choice Tool helps your daughter get really clear about 

• what her intentions are
• what she wants
• and what she needs

so she can make a decision that feels good to her.

The Choice Tool is 3 Key Questions:

1.  How important this decision is to you?
2. Who are you making this decision for?
3. What will you do if things go exactly as planned OR don’t quite go the way you’d hoped they would?

Head over to my website Cultivating Resilient Teens to learn how to put the 3 Key Questions into practice. 

You can also grab a complimentary Discovery Session.

Or, I’m now offering a 90 Minute Strategy Session.

And be sure to listen in next week because we’re going to offer you a few really important tips that’ll help your daughter stay focused in a world full of distractions.

Podcast Resources:
Episode #5 How to Turn Your Daughter’s Fears into Opportunities to Grow
Grab a complimentary Discovery Session
90 Minutes to Clarity and Strategies that Workwith Shawna Warner

Hey Parents,

What happens when your teenage daughter “harmlessly” looks around her social media accounts?

Today we’re going to talk about what the comparison trap looks like for teenage girls and how to put an end to this harmful habit. 

I’m not sure I know anyone who hasn’t gotten totally stuck in the comparison trap at least once. 

Because it’s totally natural to be curious about what life is like for other people.

And my clients have shared that with all the covid restrictions still in place, the amount of time they spend looking around the internet has really increased.

But here’s the hard part, if your daughter is consistently absorbing everyone else’s high points, without mindful supervision, all while she’s trying to find her place in this world, it can really muddle her sense of self and wreck her self-confidence. 

So, rather than always feeling like you’re always trying to ‘build yourself back up,' let’s give your daughter ONE SIMPLE STRATEGY that’ll help build rock-solid resilience.

Recently, my clients say their screen time is way up.

So, not surprisingly, it's causing all sorts of what feels like anxiety, depression and ADD.

Ahhh, so if you’re wondering HOW one gets caught in the comparison trap – there’s your ANSWER.

The mindless quest for one sweet little dose of dopamine. 

Unfortunately, rather than getting that dose of happiness she craves; she ends up absorbing… 

• a zillion images of people who appear oh so happy, the way she wants to feel
• and a bunch of lovely places that, if she were just there, would make her feel better

I probably don’t have to tell you this is tough, even for confident teens.

As Developmental Molecular Biologist, Dr. John Medina reminds us, “Most of us have no idea what’s really going on inside our heads.”

That’s why it’s so important for your daughter to learn MINDFUL MONITORING.

Mindful monitoring is the art of paying attention to the thoughts and feelings that are running through your daughter’s head while she’s taking in the images and happenings of the world around her.

Dr. Susan David, the author of Emotionally Agility, “our raw feelings can be the messengers we need to teach us things about ourselves and can prompt insights into important life directions.”

So, let’s make sure your daughter practices mindful monitoring and gathers her golden nuggets whenever she scrolls.

You can also deepen your daughter's social and emotional skill set with this article, published in Thrive Global, “How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager 5 Simple Questions That Will Set Your Teenager Up for Success (https://cultivatingresilientteens.com/)

 Next week we'll help your daughter make confident decisions with one reliable tool.
Podcast Resources
Developmental Molecular Biologist | Dr. John Medina |Brain Rules, 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home and School
Dr. Susan David | Emotional Agility Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life
 How to Raise a Socially Intelligent and Resilient Teenager 5 Simple Questions That Will Set Your Teenager Up for Success