Rosemary’s Ladies: A Horror Movie & Bad Movie Review Podcast

This week we watch After, another terrible movie based on a terrible One Direction fanfiction. We discuss literature we hate, Cruel Intentions rip offs, and try to determine what Chancellors do. Jen impresses everyone with her Lord Voldemort/Hardin Scott impression and we try to figure out if the writer of this fanfiction knows what college is really like. Rate and subscribe or we’ll do more terrible English accents.

Stats/info: 2019, directed by Jenny Gage, starring Josephine Langford and Hero Fiennes Tiffin.

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Well...that series was a trip. This week we finish off the 50 Shades of Grey series with the third movie, “50 Shades Freed.” I bet you can already guess how many Dorito’s we give it. Join us as we discuss how Ana has a secret passion of being a barber, the piano is back but it’s not post-coital, and how Ana continues to be surprised rich boi Christain owns extravagant things. Be sure to rate and subscribe otherwise we’ll sign out of each episode by saying, “laters baby.”

Stats/info: 2018, directed by James Foley, starring Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eric Johnson, Eloise Mumford, Bella Heathcote, Rita Ora, Luke Grimes, Victor Rasuk, Kim Basinger, and Marcia Gay Harden

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This week we watch the terrible sequel, 50 Shades Darker, featuring more cringey lines, but at least we got some cringey drama to distract from their cringey relationship. We discuss obvious villains, sexy cooking, and who Boyce Fox is. Does he have a Twilight counterpart? Is he based on a real person? WHY DOES ANNA MENTION HIM A MINIMUM OF 10 TIMES AND WHY DO WE NOT EVER SEE HIM? Rate and subscribe or we’ll make you watch this movie, Clockwork Orange Style.

Stats/info: 2017, directed by James Foley, starring Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eric Johnson, Eloise Mumford, Bella Heathcote, Rita Ora, Luke Grimes, Victor Rasuk, Kim Basinger, and Marcia Gay Harden

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*singing to the tune of Wham! Last Christmas* “Last Christmas we gave you Twilight but the very next year we gave you fanfic.” Yep, new month, new theme and this month we’re covering fanfic movies! The 50 Shades of Grey trilogy is based on Twilight fanfiction so we’re kicking off the month with 2015’s, “50 Shades of Grey!” Join us as we try and find the similarities to Twilight, discuss toast clause, morning breath, and play rooms (not to be confused by Xbox rooms). If the discussion of Hallmark movies isn’t your jam skip from 3:50-9:20 at the beginning of the episode because Jen lays down some theories on holiday Hallmark movies. Be sure to rate and subscribe otherwise we’ll make you sign our toast contract.

Stats/info: 2015, directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson, starring Dakota Johnson, and Jamie Dornan

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If it pleases the court, throughout the course of this trial, we will show that this girl is not only a not one in a billion, she’s just real dumb. This week we watch one of the worst “sequels” in history, and discuss bad psychologists, bad acting, and bad serial killing. We have a lot of questions about the acting, the dialogue, the editing. Pretty much every decision that was made during the production of this film. Remember to rate and review or we'll the production company to make an American Psycho 3.

Stats/info: 2002, directed by Morgan J. Freeman, starring Mila Kunis and William Shatner

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Top that! Top that! This week we moved and grooved our way into watching 1989’s, “Teen Witch” and it was the most wholesome movie. If you love songs full of heavy, 80’s saxophone look no further. Join us as we discuss gremlin brothers, wholesome content, abandoned carousel law, and chair supplies. Be sure to rate and subscribe or we’ll turn you into a dog.

Stats/info: 1989, directed by Dorian Walker, starring Robyn Lively, Dan Gauthier, Mandy Ingber, and Zelda Rubinstein

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Oh boy, this week we watched Fantasy Island, an unfortunate dumptruck of a remake of the 70’s TV show. You can call this movie Lombard Street because boy is it full of nonsensical twists and turns. We talk nicknames, jacked therapists, and how Jen’s preferred methods of theoretical torture. Be sure to rate and subscribe or we’ll make you be a part of our crappy fantasies.

Stats/info: 2020, directed by Jeff Wadlow, starring Michael Peña, Maggie Q, Lucy Hale, Austin Stowell, Portia Doubleday, Jimmy O. Yang, Ryan Hansen, and Michael Rooker.

Wowowowow what an intriguing movie! This week we watched 2019’s, “The Platform” and it was very thought provoking. This episode we spend more time talking about theories than cracking jokes because this movie was actually good. Join us as we discuss what apples are the best, nibbling on your roommate, and how panna cotta is the message. Be sure to rate and subscribe or you’ll find yourself on level 200.

Stats/info: 2019, directed by Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia, starring Alexandra Masangkay, Ivan Massague, Zorion Eguileor, Antonia San Juan, and Emilio Buale

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Happy November! This month we are working out way through listener suggestions and start with a movie we both thoroughly enjoyed in the worst ways, Shark Night (3D).We have a lot of questions about the business venture of the villains, how hurricanes are getting sharks into this lake, and how you always need a swimsuit cover up as part of your wardrobe. Sharkologist Molly is in and hitting it with all the shark facts, so buckle up and enjoy the ride. Rate and review or we’ll put sharks in your lake.

Stats/info: 2011, directed by David R. Ellis, starring Sara Paxton, Katharine McPhee, Alyssa Diaz, Dustin Milligan, and Joel David Moore

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN WEEK YA’LL! For the final episode in horror comedy month we are joined by our Canadian friends, Drinking and Screaming podcast! We watch 2006’s, “Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon” and 4/4 doritos all around! We get sidetracked talking about Scooby-doo and Liam Neeson while Char and Kelly provide world class sound effects. Join us as we discuss getting an Ahab, being a millennial serial killer, and how Jen loves these goddamn peaches. Be sure to rate and subscribe or you’ll be our final girl.

Stats/info: 2006, directed by Scott Glasserman, starring Nathan Baesel, Angela Goethals, Robert Englund, Zelda Rubinstein, Scott Wilson, Ben Pace, and Britain Spellings

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