Dating, Relationships, and Disability

“I’m just really busy.” How often have you heard this and have also found yourself saying it? About anything? We live in a too busy world. I sometimes find it being my automatic response when people ask how I am. It’s probably very valid. You are busy. Life frequently offers a lot to us. It can be very hard to say no. 

But….many times what keeps us busy is not what is most important or will give us the results we really want in our life. 

Being "too busy" can be an excuse to avoid dating and potential heartbreak. It felt safe to keep myself occupied and not take the risk of getting hurt. But deep down, I knew I was missing out on meaningful connections and the opportunity for love.

 Breaking free from the cycle of using busyness as an excuse It took some self-reflection and a realization that my fear of getting hurt was hindering my chances of finding a fulfilling relationship. I had to prioritize my happiness and make space in my life for dating. 

It meant reevaluating my schedule, setting boundaries, and making a conscious effort to carve out time for socializing and meeting new people. It also meant I had to get really honest with myself that I was using being too busy to avoid being vulnerable and getting hurt. However, I was just hurting myself in a different way by isolating myself from love under the guise of a busy calendar. 

So, for those who find themselves constantly using busyness as an excuse, what advice would help? The first step is to acknowledge that being busy is a choice we make. We have control over how we manage our time and priorities. It's important to assess what truly matters to us and make room for relationships. 

Start by identifying any unnecessary commitments or activities that can be scaled back or eliminated. Delegate tasks if possible, and learn to say no to things that don't align with your priorities. Remember, making time for love is really about putting yourself first and that your desire for love is as important as any other aspect of our lives. 

There are many potential fears and concerns that may be driving individuals to use busyness as an excuse. What are some common underlying reasons behind this behavior? One common fear is the fear of vulnerability and getting hurt. Dating requires opening ourselves up to the possibility of rejection or disappointment, which can be scary. Using busyness as an excuse shields us from those potential hurts. 

Additionally, some people may have experienced past relationship traumas or have a fear of commitment. These factors can contribute to the desire to stay busy and avoid emotional risks. It’s important to recognize that taking emotional risks is a natural part of dating and finding a meaningful connection. While there are no guarantees, the rewards of love and companionship are worth the vulnerability. 

Seek support from friends or a th

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Rejection is something many people fear, regardless of their ability or disability. I hesitated to put myself out there and avoided pursuing relationships. It took a toll on my self-esteem and held me back from experiencing the joy of dating. In fact, it stopped me from dating for several years.

It wasn't easy, but I realized that rejection is a part of life for everyone, regardless of ability or disability. I began to acknowledge that rejection hurts, but it doesn't define me. It's a temporary setback, not a permanent label. I started reframing my mindset and focusing on my strengths and what I have to offer in a relationship.

It's essential to recognize that rejection is not a reflection of your worth as a person. Everyone faces rejection at some point in their lives, and it doesn't diminish their value. 

It’s important to surround yourself with supportive friends and a community that understands and appreciates you. They can provide the encouragement and reassurance you need during challenging times.

How can you maintain a positive attitude and not let it hinder your dating journey?

Self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would a friend going through a similar situation. Remember that rejection is often a result of compatibility issues or personal circumstances, rather than a reflection of your worthiness of love. Embrace the rejection as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Additionally, focus on your accomplishments and the positive aspects of your life. Celebrating those successes will remind you of your value and boost your confidence.

Now, let's discuss the importance of effective communication when faced with rejection. What role does it play in maintaining healthy relationships?

Communication is vital, both in expressing our feelings and in understanding the feelings of others. When faced with rejection, it's essential to have open and honest conversations with the other person involved. This helps to gain clarity and closure, allowing both individuals to move forward and learn from the experience. It's also important to remember that rejection can be an opportunity to reassess our preferences and priorities, ensuring that we are seeking compatible relationships.

Remember that rejection is a part of life's journey for everyone. It's not unique to you. Embrace the fact that rejection can be a stepping stone toward finding the right person. Allow yourself to grow from these experiences

and keep an open heart. The right person will appreciate and love you for who you are, disability and all. Don't let rejection define your dating journey or limit your possibilities for happiness.

The Rejection Survival Guide
 
Download The Rejection Survival Guide to see rejection in a new way so that it doe

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Today we'll be discussing the importance of doing a belief audit to improve self-esteem and confidence when it comes to dating.

We'll be diving into the importance of doing a belief audit and how it can positively impact your love life. But before we jump in, let's define what a thought audit actually is.

A belief audit, also known as a thought audit, is the process of examining and evaluating the thoughts and beliefs we hold about ourselves. It involves questioning and challenging the beliefs we have internalized over time, especially those that may be negative, self-limiting, or hindering our progress in any aspect of life, including dating.

Beliefs are like the lenses through which we view the world. They shape our perception of ourselves, others, and the possibilities that lie ahead. When it comes to dating, our beliefs about our worth, attractiveness, and abilities can significantly impact our self-esteem and confidence. Many people with disabilities have faced societal misconceptions and stereotypes, leading to self-doubt and limited belief systems.

Our beliefs can either propel us forward or hold us back. They can influence how we present ourselves, engage with others, and ultimately, affect the outcomes we experience in our dating lives. So why is it important to conduct a belief audit?

Doing a belief audit is a powerful tool for improving self-esteem and confidence when it comes to dating with a disability. By examining our negative beliefs and challenging them, we can develop a more positive self-image and become more resilient in the face of rejection and other challenges.

Where Do We Go From Here? 

I’m going to challenge you to take 30 minutes within the next 48 hours to do a belief audit. You can download the Five Beliefs to Successful Dating guide to help you with looking at key areas to strengthen your beliefs in yourself for dating.

Resources

Episode on the Power to Attract.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

If you have been listening to me or following me for any length of time, you know that what I want most for people is to have success in dating and relationships. I see the mission of my life’s work to move the needle so that people with disabilities or the disabled, whichever you prefer, are more easily viewed and accepted as dating and relationship partners.

That’s why we now have the Dating Made Easier membership for people to give people skills and support to make dating more easy and enjoyable, while helping you get the results you’ve been longing for.

Many times when we think about achieving a goal, we think about all the things we need to do in order to have success. And yes with dating there are a lot of thing you have to do like working up the courage to put yourself out there, work on your own belief about what you deserve, and figure out exactly how you're going to meet people.

But sometimes when we’re pursuing a goal, the things we stop doing can get us to success even quicker. I was reflecting on this in my own life and realized there were five clear things I stopped doing that directly led to my version of ultimate dating success, meeting my husband.

Check out Episode 1 for our first date story.

Here are the five things I stopped doing:

1. I stopped being open to long distance relationships and narrowed the radius of the location of my potential matches.
2. I stopped thinking younger men would not be interested in me.
3. I stopped believing that someone’s discomfort with my disability was about me and withdrawing because of someone’s discomfort with me.
4. I stopped giving in to thoughts that would not serve me in the moment
5. I stopped refusing to take risks to say what I really felt.

What might you need to stop doing in order to get the dating success you’ve been longing for? Are there things you’re doing that you know in your heart of hearts is holding you back from the love and belonging you know you deserve?

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Many people will not try online dating or maybe tried it at one time, had a bad experience or no experience, meaning no results, and will not try it again. While I will always say, you need to do you and decide what’s best for you, there’s no denying that online dating can be successful for many. According to a 2019 study, around 39% of straight couples and 65% of same-sex couples meet online.

I want to encourage you, especially if you’re having trouble meeting people, to consider changing up what you do in trying to get out there and date. This may include trying new ways to meet people in order to allow new people into your world.

Sometimes when you’re not meeting new people in your circles, online dating can be that path that opens you up to new possibilities.

Ah, but then there’s the safety factor. I wholeheartedly agree and years ago when I was single and online dating was very new, it took me a long time to warm up to the idea of meeting someone through a computer (these were the days before we even knew what an app was).

When it comes to dating, safety and happiness go hand in hand. I don’t think this topic gets talked about enough but in order to enjoy dating, feel good about yourself and be confident, you need to feel safe. The good news is you have a lot of control around how safe you feel. 

Listen to the show for 10 online dating safety tips.

It’s so important to feel safe and happy while dating, and encourage your audience to prioritize their own well-being when pursuing romantic relationships.

If you find you need a little more support in this area, check out our Do I Feel Safe guide to help you determine your level of safety in relationships.

Episode 14 on Dating Apps and Safety

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Dating skills are so important for all people, but especially people with disabilities.

 That's why RADIANT ABILITIES IS COMMITTED TO HELPING PEOPLE, BOTH WITH AND WITHOUT DISABILITIES, TO MAKE DATING AND DEVELOPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS EASIER.

When addressing issues surrounding dating and relationships with parents and support staff, collaboration can be difficult and challenging.  Some parents or support staff may feel uncomfortable addressing dating and relationships due to a variety of reasons:  safety concerns, discomfort, lack of resources, or general unfamiliarity with dating and relationships. 

 AND IT’S ALL OKAY, BECAUSE IT’S A PROCESS.

We need to ACKNOWLEDGE STIGMA SURROUNDING DISABILITY, INTIMACY, AND RELATIONSHIPS.

Stigma can create barriers and challenges for people with disabilities in relationships due to potential barriers due to lack of education/resources on healthy relationships and lack of support, not promoting dating and relationships for PWDs can result in issues/conflict, abuse/assault, unhealthy relationships, and safety issues.

We need to educate parents/staff on the stigma surrounding disability and intimacy and how it can create barriers for people with disabilities and increase the likelihood of abuse/assault if not addressed. 

The main goal in supporting people with disabilities in dating and relationships is to help them develop a healthy support network by…TEACHING DATING AND RELATIONSHIP SKILLS.

Importance of self  esteem and confidence as key tools for happy and safe dating through developing positive core beliefs about oneself. A core belief is a thought you have about yourself that shapes most of your words, actions, thoughts, and feelings. Developing healthy, positive core beliefs about yourself builds a solid foundation that leads to successful dating and relationships.

Why Confidence is So Important

People with disabilities can often feel like they’re not attractive enough due to the differences caused by their disability.

Your sense of attraction is another core belief about yourself.

You attract others because of much more than your looks.

You attract people to you because of your inner qualities - your personality, how you treat others, your perspective on the world, etc.

Self Esteem and Confidence

Help a person develop a strong sense of boundaries and understanding of personal values.

A foundation to success in dating and relationships is being safe and feeling empowered in all your interactions. This includes not being taken advantage of physically, emotionally, sexually, or financially.

Next week we'll address safety skills.

 Resources
STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESSFUL DATING

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

There are some real scary statistics out there about the high rate of sexual assaults on people with disabilities. While they should be discuss every day as a means of figuring out how to bring down this horrendous number, April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month, is a good time to do so.

In 2017 the US Justice Department came out with a report that said someone especially with an intellectual disability is seven times more likely to be sexually assaulted than someone without a disability. Seven times! Sadly, the DOJ didn’t even find this alarming statistic worthy of a published report. Says something about DOJ’s value on people with disabilities, doesn’t it?

The following conversation is still embedded in my brain and continues to haunt me in my work in sexuality and disability.

“Kelly’s telling me she has a boyfriend,” Lisa began. I supervised Lisa in a one to one service that got people out into the community.

Normally this would be something to celebrate, but it wasn’t.

“And that it’s her next door neighbor,” Lisa continued. She knew that Kelly’s neighbor was about 20 years older than her, married, with kids.

Kelly was in her early 20s and lived with an intellectual disability. Lisa went on to say, “Kelly tells me they’re having sex.”

In the midst of investigating what was happening, interviewing Kelly several, and having her examined by a doctor, it was concluded that Kelly’s neighbor had befriended her, groomed her, and eventually lured her to his basement to have sex with her one weekend while his wife and kids were away for the weekend.

Resources

Statistics on Sexual Assault and Disability

NPR's Abused and Betrayed Series

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for family members, special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Sign up for these workshops happening TODAY (publish date):

How to Solve the Dating and Relationship Puzzle

Why Dating Apps Are Not Working and What to Do Instead*?

Nichole Hastings is  Coordinator of Self-Advocacy & Community Engagement Westchester Institute for Human Development (WIHD) and is the Vice president of the Hear Our Voices Self-Advocacy Group And a current Trainee in the LEND programs with WIHD.

Nichole Hastings is a pioneer in every sense of the word.  Nichole lives independently with her roommate rural Central New York and will be the first to tell you that “I can’t” is not in her vocabulary.  

She graduated from her High School in 2002 and then continued her education attending classes at Cazenovia College.  She volunteers with the Development & Communications Department at The Arc of Madison Cortland and serves on several committees and boards.  

Once Nichole puts her mind to something there isn’t anything she can’t do. In fact, the following year she propelled her adaptive bike with her hands and arms and rode the 2017 Marine Coors Historical Half in Fredericksburg, Virginia finishing the 13.1 mile race in 4 hours and 11 minutes.  

She has presented at several conferences around the United States and credits the American with Disabilities Act (ADA) for providing changes that help her live an active and fulfilling life.  As a person with disabilities the ADA has allowed her to access her community to the fullest and independently use her power wheelchair.  

Nichole has spent many years directing her own services and advocating for herself and for others.  

In this interview we discuss Nicole's 16 year relationship with her partner and the devastating emotional impact that US governmental benefits have on the disabled. 

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Sign up for these workshops happening on April 11:

How to Solve the Dating and Relationship Puzzle

Why Dating Apps Are Not Working and What to Do Instead*?

Today I want to step back and have a “bigger picture” look at dating and relationships and talk about why we date. Now, of course, we all have our individual answers for that. But I think in the grand scheme of things, most of our answers come down to wanting love - to both give it and receive it. I believe that love makes the journey of life, with all its complexities and challenges, way more easy. For me, it’s like having a team mate who’s always there with you through the good and the bad.

When you’re in the thick of dating, putting yourself out there, and facing rejection - or worse, no one giving you a chance - it can be easy to say, screw it, it’s not worth the trouble or the heartache. That’s why we need moments to remember why we date and why we continue to pursue that sometimes elusive experience of loving and being loved. And why we open ourselves up to the possibility of rejection, heartbreak, and disappointment. 

So why do we do it? 

Love is a powerful emotion that can make us feel alive, happy, and fulfilled. 

Love is one of the most fundamental human needs. We all crave love, affection, and connection. It’s what makes us feel alive and gives us a sense of purpose. When we love, we experience a deep sense of joy, fulfillment, and meaning in our lives. 

For some of you listening, what I’m talking about may feel like something you’ve been dreaming of for years, but for one reason or another, it feels out of your hands. You’re tempted to give up and say it’s not worth it. 

The key is to approach love with intention, mindfulness, and self-awareness. Before we jump into a new relationship, we need to be clear about our own needs, wants, and values. We need to communicate honestly and openly with our partner about our expectations, boundaries, and goals. We also need to be willing to take things slow, to build trust gradually, and to be patient with the process.

For those who have been hurt before, it’s important to take the time to heal and process those experiences. This might involve therapy, self-reflection, or spending time with supportive friends and family. It’s also important to let go of any lingering bitterness, anger, or resentment towards past partners. When we hold onto these negative emotions, we prevent ourselves from being fully open and present in new relationships. Finally, we need to trust ourselves and our instincts. We need to listen to our intuition and choose partners who align with our values, needs, and desires.

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate

Sonya Rio-Glick (she/her) is a queer and disabled Disability Justice practitioner, organizational leader, writer, and cultural worker based in Atlanta. Raised by two moms in Upstate NY, Sonya has contended with complex social justice issues her entire life.

In 2013, she began providing disability etiquette and accessibility workshops at COLAGE, the largest support network for people with LGBTQ+ parents & caregivers in the US, which spearheaded a career in social change: in 2015 Sonya released a full length documentary on disability The Souls of our Feet, and would go on to reform fire evacuation policy for students at Purchase College, SUNY, where she would graduate with a BA in Arts Management.

Since graduating, Sonya has danced, choreographed, and facilitated trainings on a range of social-political issues across the US. Notably, she produced the Dance Poem Waves With Nowhere To Go in 2022, and is the former Co-Executive Director of Dance for All Bodies.

Recently Sonya had the honor of supporting Stacey Abrams' 2022 gubernatorial campaign in a Disability Engagement & Accessibility capacity, and is pursuing graduate studies in Social Justice at Harvard University. She dreams of a world that integrates principles of Disability Justice- find out more about Sonya's work at www.sonyarioglick.com.

Resources

How you can connect with Sonya:

Instagram

LinkedIn

Website

Waves With Nowhere To Go (English)

Waves With Nowhere To Go (Spanish)

I'm Sexy and Disabled: Now What? 

Check out our Dating Memberships:

Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more.

Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

Music by Successful Motivation |
Artwork photo by Elevate