Mental Wellness Cindy

We have all been there. At some point in our lives, we question ourselves. Are we doing good enough? Should we be doing all the things we are doing, should we listen to all the people that are saying we are wrong? A certain level of self doubt is good because it indicates you understand what you need to improve in order to do a better job (remembering that doesn't mean what you are doing is not good!). However, persistent fear and self doubt can hugely affect your life, in a bad way. Self doubt can keep you stuck. Self doubt weakens your self will, it breeds procrastination, it opens you up to regrets and self pity, it kills personal growth, it hinders creativity. Self doubt should not be give the power to determine our success. By recognizing the dangers of self doubt you can fight its ill effects more easily. Common causes of self doubt are 1) Past experience and mistakes. 2) Childhood upbringing e.g. being raised by parents and teachers that constantly tell you that you are not good enough. In this case tell yourself that you are a grown up now and this is YOUR LIFE! 3) Comparisons with others 4)The rise of new challenges 5) Fear of failure or even fear of success. Some ways to over come self doubt 1) Stop making excuses 2) Beware of your close circle 3) Raise your self awareness 4) Practice self compassion 5) Stop asking for validation 6) Don't talk about your plans 7) Trust your values 8) Just START DOING! For me it is making my mission bigger than my fear. What is your strategy. Please share this with someone who needs to hear this message today.

My 10 year old son is autistic, this diagnosis is not a problem, in fact it is a relief because it helps to make sense of how he views and responds to the world. The problem is everybody else or more specifically the people around him that do not understand his disability and how to support him. He is currently on the verge of being permanently excluded from school, which in itself is not a bad thing as he will stop experiencing daily trauma in that environment. This is because he keeps walking out of the class room and having "melt downs" because of he is having sensory overload. Autism is what i class as one of the invisible disabilities. In my sons case he is classed as a high functioning autistic, because he can read, is verbal and to a certain extent can keep up with the school curriculum. The problem with this is everyone expects him to be able to understand all social rules and ques. Then when he does not which is often he is labelled as naughty. This is the sad true story of his life. My son is the most loving, caring and sociable young boy you will ever meet, but sometimes things just get a bit difficult to process and he lashes out as a way of communicating his distress. He is unfortunately as was the case last week, then labelled a danger to himself and other people. Simply because the people that are supposed to be supporting him do not understand that in those moments they need to be communicating with him differently to help him calm his senses down. instead they overload him more. I worry every second for my sons future and i know i am not alone in that. We need to change how we treat people with invisible disabilities.

I heard something from a teacher that i listened to today that really got me thinking and i wanted to share it with you. It was that Anxiety is experiencing failure in advance. That is the worst has not even happened yet, but we are already worried abut it. We have already decided that the thing or action we were going to take is not worth it because of this feeling of fear.I have certainly felt like this about a lot of things a work meeting, a date, a new opportunity. You name it the list is endless. Why does this happen? To answer that i will start by defining what anxiety is. It is a feeling of unease, such s worry or fear, that can be mild or severe. Everyone has feelings of anxiety at some point in their life. For example, you may feel worried and anxious about sitting an exam or having a medical test or job interview. When these feelings become persistent and stat impacting on daily life this may be a sign of an anxiety disorder, which you should get support with. But in terms of just getting a general feeling of unease. It stops you from doing things because we are afraid of failure and want to protect ourselves from that mainly because of fear of judgement from others. So what is a possible solution? Try to find generous regular work or an activity that scares you. If you can dance with the fear it wont go away, it will never go away, but you can learn to use it as a compass. So that when the fear shows up you can say"oh that feeling, i am getting that's reminding me i am on the right path". Make it a habit do it a few times a day. Keep a journal or blog to document the progress you are making. Hearing this today certainly motivated me to not want to fail before i had even tried. What motivated you to accomplish your goals today? Please share your stories and follow , like and share.

Hello and welcome back to Cindy @ 40 or if its your first time welcome. My focus in all the content i am putting out is to leverage the power of story telling to promote social change around the importance of everyone's entitlement to good mental and mental health support. Talking about mental health has been seen and remains a taboo in some communities and countries. The reality is we have all experienced problems with our mental health at one point or another. For a lot of us we have experienced these struggles on our own and did not feel we could openly talk about what we were experiencing for fear of being judged by others. For either feeling depressed, stressed, anxious, suicidal, manic or anything else. This needs to stop because the reality is we all know someone who has been affected by the death of a loved one because of a mental health problem. Problems with mental health are something that every single human being on this planet has been affected by. Therefore we need to freely be able to talk about our mental health without and get the support we need without judgement. So please join me in sharing your stories about your mental health and how getting help and speaking up helped you . Just start the conversation today with your children, family, friends and community. There is no right or wrong way to talk about what you are experiencing with your mental health, starting the conversation is what is important, so please if you are struggling start the conversation today so you can get help. please share this with someone who needs to hear this message today. Follow me so you can be part of this speaking up community and also so you never miss other helpful content. Suggest in the comments other topics you would like me to talk about and suggest any influential people you would like me to interview so we can keep the good mental health conversation alive. Check out my Facebook page cindy giving advice at 40

Co parenting with an ex can be a stressful and emotional endeavour, even when things are civil. Unfortunately, it is common that breakups are rough, and the co-parenting relationship involves friction, arguments, disagreements about parenting choices, general opposition, manipulation and so on. “A difficult ex” can describe several personality types, and if you are dealing with a difficult ex, you probably already know. Some may generally oppose any decisions or suggestions you make, wanting to make sure that all ideas implemented in parenting are their own, in an attempt to control the parenting, some try to actively diminish the influence you may have on parenting decisions by making important decisions without collaboration, some also have a need to constantly compete and win against you rather that focusing on the best interest of the child or children. In my case my ex is constantly trying to gaslight me for those that know what it means. He constantly wants to make me appear to other people like I am a bad mother to my children. He will bombard me with emails with questions, disguised as concerns about the children, questions I have to add that I have already answered in another email on in the numerous 3 way meetings we have about the children. And if I don’t reply god help me, that is twisted against me for everything it is worth. Some effective ways I have found for dealing with my ex are: 1) Knowing my boundaries and sticking to them. 2) Enforcing my boundaries. 3) Communicate through a 3rd party or start counselling. 4) Set everything in advance. 5) Use legal documentation. 6) Focus on yourself development so their negativity does not affect you. At the end of the day it is not easy to go through a partnership process with a person who sees and treats you like an enemy. When dealing with a difficult co parent, the best interest of the children needs to stay the centre of focus. Most importantly look after yourself and your mental health so you can be the best parent to your children at all times.

We don’t need to change to please other people. One of the most freeing things we learn in life it that we don’t have to like everyone and everyone doesn’t have to like us, and it’s perfectly OK. As mother Teresa famously said, “some people come in our life as blessings. Some come in your life as lessons”. This carefree attitude did not come overnight. I had to go through a tough phase first. I practiced being who I thought other people wanted me to be. Still despite giving my best, I was always criticised, and never received a single word of appreciation. I allowed myself to take it, because I thought that one day they would realise their mistake and start liking me. ONE DAY NEVER CAME!! You don’t need someone who doesn’t like who you are. You are beautiful, you are great, just the way you are. You are you, and that’s the greatest thing you could be. You are you, and there is nobody like you out there, so keep being you. Every single person on this planet is one of a kind, and that’s one of the most magical things on this Earth. If someone tells you to change who you are or encourages you to become someone you are not. Walk away. Walk away from people who try to change you, because without being who you truly are you are NOBODY!!

Self-awareness is the capacity for introspection and the ability to recognise oneself as an individual separate from the environment and other individuals.It is not to be confused with consciousness in the sense of qualia. While consciousness is being aware of one's environment and body and lifestyle, self-awareness is the recognition of that awareness.Self-awareness is how an individual consciously knows and understands their own character, feelings, motives, and desires. So it is the ability to focus on yourself and how your actions, thoughts, or emotions do or don't align with your internal standards. If you're highly self-aware, you can objectively evaluate yourself, manage your emotions, align your behaviour with your values, and understand correctly how others perceive you. Having awareness creates the opportunity to make changes to behaviour and beliefs. A simple quick assessment of self awareness might be: 1) Basic- Aware of your thoughts while you have them. 2)Medium- Aware of the thoughts and emotions you have about your thoughts in the moment. 3)High- Able to put attention on your emotions, and physical state in a way to relax and thereby change your thought process in the moment. Maybe you are at high level of self awareness in a relaxed state, but in a stressed state you might shift to a medium or basic level of self awareness. Even where we are on the spectrum changes depending on other factors during the day. Some benefits of self awareness are: 1) Living as a self aware individual allows you to live in the present, knowing who you are and what you want. 2) You find it easier to let go of toxic people as you know what you deserve. 3) Aware people welcome mistakes as stepping stones to success. They are not deterred by failure as they know what they are capable of. 4)Gratitude goes hand in hand with awareness , you are grateful and thankful for who you are. 5) You understand you own boundaries and have limitations. Therefore you are comfortable saying no. 6) Self awareness boosts confidence. 7) Productivity is another benefit of self awareness. Being able to control your emotions means you replace reactivity with productivity. How to develop self awareness 1)Meditate- Meditation can really help you to focus on being more self-aware. 2)Ask yourself questions, to develop a better understanding of yourself and your actions e.g. "why do i avoid certain things or situations?", "what am i trying to achieve?" 3) Keep a log or journal, which will help when tying to understand your attitude and actions. 4) Ask your friends and family, to give you an honest critical and objective perspective on you and your feelings/behaviour. 5) Live in the moment and analyse your emotions by doing this you learn to stop worrying about the future or the past. Self awareness does not stop you making mistakes it allows you to learn from them.

When you are kind to others it not only changes you, it changes the world. Kindness is the ability and desire to have a positive impact on others. Kindness is extending yourself in a way that uplifts another human being. It is a behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern and consideration for others. It is considered a virtue, and is recognized as a value in many cultures and religion. In Book II of Rhetoric, Aristotle defines kindness as "helpfulness towards someone in need, not in return for anything, nor for the advantage of the helper himself but for that of the person helped". Nietzsche considered kindness and love to be the "most curative herbs and agents in human intercourse". Why is it important to be kind, because it makes you feel good about yourself. It strengthens your relationships and sense of satisfaction in life. Science has now shown that devoting resources to others, rather than having more and more for yourself brings about lasting well being. Kindness has been found by researchers to be the most important predictor of satisfaction and stability in a marriage. There are different ways to practice kindness. One way to be kind is to open your eyes and be active when you see people in need. A kind word, a smile, opening a door, or helping carry a heavy load can all be acts of kindness. Celebrating someone you love giving honest compliments, sending an email thanking someone, telling someone how s/he is special to you, helping an elderly neighbor with yard work or food. Refusing to gossip or bully others, by donating old clothes or items you no longer use are other ideas of acts of kindness. Being kind often requires courage and strength. Kindness is an interpersonal skill. Kindness also includes being kind to yourself. Kindness has many benefits including increased happiness and a healthy heart, improved relationships and connections. So show some kindness today to yourself and to others.Happy Odd Sock Day.

Apologizing is expressing regret for something that one has done wrong. An apology is a statement that has two key elements. It shows your remorse over your actions. It acknowledges the hurt that your actions have caused to someone else. We all need to learn how to apologize, aft er all, no one is perfect, We all make mistakes , and we all have the capability to hurt people through our behaviors and actions, whether these are intentional or not. It is not easy to apologize, but its the most effective way to restore trust and balance in a relationship, when you have done something wrong. There are many reasons why you should make a sincere apology when you have hurt someone unnecessarily, or have made a mistake. An apology opens a dialogue between yourself and the other person. When you apologize, you also acknowledge that you engaged in unacceptable behavior. It helps you rebuild trust and reestablish your relationship with the other person It gives you a chance to discuss what is and is not acceptable You restore dignity to the person you hurt. If you do not apologize when you have made a mistake: You will damage your relationship with colleagues, clients, friends or family. It can harm your reputation Limit your career opportunities Lower your effectiveness Others may not want to work with you Follow these steps when you make an apology: Express remorse Admit responsibility Make amends Promise that it will not happen again (and mean it!) Do not offer excuses when you apologize. Otherwise you will sound as if you are trying to shift blame away from yourself and on to someone or something else. So take the time today to apologize to someone you have hurt!

Raising children is hard, and any parent who says differently is lying. Parenting is emotional and intellectually draining, and it often requires professional sacrifice and serious financial hardship. Kids are needy and demanding from the moment of their birth to....well, forever. Don’t get me wrong I love my kids and will do anything for them but being a parent is hard work. I don’t believe I am alone in thinking that. Being a parent is more about giving than receiving. Firstly that’s fair enough as the children did not ask to be born, we asked for that!! Study after study has shown that parents, compared to adults without kids, experience 1) Lower emotional well being 2) Fewer positive feelings 3) More negative ones 4) Have unhappier marriages 5) Suffer more from depression Yet many of these same parents continue to insist that their children are an essential source of happiness. Indeed that a life without children is a life unfulfilled. I am one of these parents. I do not remember what my life was like before I had children. My days are now filled with endless negotiations and compromise. I feel more like a slave than a mum. I have learnt to sacrifice a lot of my time for my kids. I have had to change mentally and emotionally to accommodate them. It is hard. Believe me the struggle is real. But if you asked me if I would do it all again the answer will always be a resounding YES!!