Comeback Stories

Listen to James May as he tells the story of his life as a heroin and cocaine addict, and how he went from consistent run-ins with the wrong side of the law and a near-miss with a violent death, to accepting the truth of his situation and starting a treatment program for people in recovery. James is coming up on seven years in recovery from a crippling heroin and cocaine addiction. James grew up in a poor family in a wealthy neighborhood, and that mismatch had a profound impact on his life. His first run-in with the authorities was in 3rd grade after James set some toilet paper on fire in his school’s bathroom. As a child, James tried to find the approval of the wrong crowd and found himself stealing and vandalizing. James’ first memory of pain was from 2nd or 3rd grade, where he was humiliated and traumatized after being rejected from the girl he liked and deceived by who he thought he was a friend. The kids who made fun of James when he was younger became the target of his rage as he grew older, and one of the underlying reasons he began selling drugs was to try to ruin their lives. James’ grandfather was his first real teacher who showed him how to live well. No matter what happened in his life, James’ grandfather still showed up every day of his life. James’ grandparents were as much parents to him as his real mother and father. James started smoking marijuana in 8th grade, and that quickly escalated to oxycontin and other harder drugs in high school. He sold a considerable amount of drugs at that time and eventually went to jail for dealing drugs. James got arrested in 2008 and charged with a violation of the Georgia RICO Act. He was part of an operation that was selling marijuana and Xanax through the mail. After that incident was James’ first attempt to get sober. Unfortunately for him, James burned every bridge in his life and life became very dark. He developed a resentment towards God and ultimately was hoping to die from his drug use. This whole time was a three year period of despair. The biggest thing holding James back was accepting the truth of who he was and what was happening in his life. James believed that it was everyone else’s fault and wanted to prove everybody wrong. He was at odds with the world, and it wasn’t until he came to grips with the fact that he was molested as a child did James start the path to recovery. James’ lowest point was right before he got sober. He remembers a crazy interaction where his drug dealer got into a shootout, and shortly afterward James got pulled over and finally asked for help. After being in jail for two weeks and the withdrawal symptoms passed, James finally felt free. The reality was that James needed to change his pattern. The path of reconstruction and healing his wounds was the only way James could achieve peace in his life. Just stopping the drugs and alcohol wasn’t enough. None of us can do this alone. Even a star athlete has a support system around them that allows them to perform at that level. James’ life is now completely different. When he finally got sober James lived at a homeless shelter where he got the passion he has now to help others. He has made it his mission to help other people and started a sober living program for men. The program started slow but now it’s serving 50 to 60 people at a time. Service work is now the most important aspect of James’ life at the moment. The work is what gives James’ life meaning. James is most grateful for the guy or girl that wants to get sober. He has found a renewed belief in God and being able to help others recover is the fuel in James’ tank. If James could send a message back to himself it would be to keep going and not lose the drive. Stay humble, put your principles into practice, keep growing, and don’t put a limit on what God can do in your life. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The biggest thing that holds people back is the judgment of the world. Addiction doesn’t define you, it’s just a journey to go through. Connection is a powerful piece of the recovery process. James’ comeback story shoutout is Spencer Stein, the person who went through the recovery process with James the first time and who is now James’ business partner in helping people. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Seane Corn shares her experiences with childhood trauma and sexual abuse, and how that put her on a path of self-discovery. Listen to Seane’s story of growing up as a hypersensitive child with obsessive-compulsive behaviors that she used to manage her anxiety, pain, and grief, how she learned to process her emotions, and the teachers along the way that showed her how to release her anger and allow Seane to help others do the same. For Seane, growing up was complicated. On some levels, it could be considered the ideal childhood and at others, she felt unsafe, unprotected, and ungrounded. As a young person who was hypersensitive to the world Seane could feel when something was off. Due to the lack of support for her sensitivity and feelings, her natural reaction was to shut down and dissociate and create compulsive behaviors to try and regain control. Seane wouldn’t change her experiences because those complexities were what made her do the work to become who she is now but she would prefer people like her had more mentors to show her the way. Seane’s earliest memory of trauma was a sexual assault at the age of 6. As a result of that, she developed an obsessive-compulsive disorder which only became more exacerbated as she got older. What she wasn’t aware of was those compulsive patterns were a way for her to self-regulate her nervous system. Any time she felt anxiety, the patterns helped her feel calm, and this self-regulating effort developed into drug and alcohol consumption later on in her life. These survival mechanisms were a response to a trauma that wasn’t allowed space to discharge. It was once Seane moved away from home and lost her family support system that her random partying became more intensified. The patterning no longer staved off the anxiety and isolation, and drugs and alcohol became the only way to help her feel comfortable socially. Everyone in Seane’s life has been a significant teacher, including her abuser. The reason that Seane has so much self-awareness at this point in her life is that she went into therapy at the age of 18 and did the work. It wasn’t until she was in therapy that Seane even realized that the trauma of her childhood was the source of her compulsive behaviors. It was then that she understood that she was going to have to stop drinking and using drugs, to commit to sobriety at every level if she was going to heal. Your coping mechanisms work for a while but eventually they turn on you. They became the biggest obstacle from living the life you actually want. For Seane, the anxiety was always living in her body without ever being discharged or processed. This led to her always being triggered and seeking more control, which resulted in a vicious cycle of compulsive behavior. Sobriety is a lifelong journey. Seane’s patterning still comes up, but when it does, she recognizes it as anxiety and a need to breathe through the grief that’s underneath. Seane’s low point occurred when she was bartending and high on drugs to the point where she was genuinely scared she might die. She never wanted to experience that again. Seeing other people die from overdosing became a vivid visual example of her destiny had she continued down that path. Seane’s narrative continues to grow and evolve, even now. As a young person she just wanted to be liked and accepted, and love and hurt became synonymous. She had to work very hard to reclaim her love and beauty and separate it from her pain. The more that cultivate self-esteem, the more in relationship we will be to spirit. Otherwise, we look to the external world for validation and will never feel fulfilled. All the moments that invoke the shadow is what gives us fodder to learn about the light that teaches us patience, acceptance, and love. Life is a constant process of dismantling our identities so that we can continue to move into the right relationship with our highest essence. Your identities and narratives aren’t bad. They serve a purpose and a part of the essential journey we are all on. Once we own our wound we can write the ending of our story. Until then, the wound will hijack your life. Seane is deeply grateful to be part of a community that is helping break the shame and pain that many people have. In a world damaged by trauma, many people are responding to hate with hate, and it’s an important time to be able to show the world another way. If Seane could send back 140 characters to her younger self her message would be to simply cry. Her suppressed grief manifested into rage and other problems and she often wonders that if her younger self had space to cry would her path have changed. She would also want her to know that she will be okay and that pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice. Seane has two comeback story shoutouts. The first is her mother, as someone who showed her what a strong, independent, fiery woman could look like. The second is her teacher Mona Miller, who was the first person to teach her anger work and help Seane develop her relationship with God.   Mentioned in this Episode: SeaneCorn.com Revolution of the Soul by Seane Corn - https://www.amazon.ca/Revolution-Soul-Through-Radical-Conscious/dp/1622039173 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tyrann Mathieu talks about how his childhood without parents shaped his life and how he realized that chasing the love of other people was taking him in the wrong direction. Learn how Tyrann almost lost everything, and how he changed the narrative so that experience would drive him to even greater success. Growing up for Tyrann was a mix of both worlds. His parents weren’t around because his father was in prison for murder and his mother wasn’t responsible enough to raise him on her own. Tyrann was raised mainly by his grandparents and aunt and uncle. Tyrann remembers asking his mother why he didn’t live with her and she couldn’t provide an answer, which has always been a source of pain for him. It was lucky for Tyrann that his grandmother instilled structure in his life because that allowed him to get into sports and stay out of trouble. The pain of his relationship with his mother still comes up, but he reminds himself that he’s not in that situation anymore and it shouldn’t determine his life. An early memory of pain was when Tyrann’s grandmother sent him to live with his uncle. At the time he didn’t realize why she did it, but looking back on it now he can see that it was probably the best thing she could have done for him. If you can shift your perspective you can find meaning in your pain. It’s not the event that happens, it’s the meaning that we attach to it. Tyrann’s high school coach was his first real teacher. He made Tyrann realize that football could take him places if he took it seriously, and could be the foundation for a greater mission. If that particular teacher had not come into Tyrann’s life he would not have chased his dreams the way he did. Tyrann’s fall from grace was in being kicked out of school and not being able to play football. Not having football in his life forced Tyrann to put his trust in himself, and a lot of his success in the NFL he attributes to that early struggle. The lies that Tyrann told himself were the things that held him back. Tyrann wanted people to believe in him and to feel like he was enough for them. We have to go through those low moments to find the real answers in our life. Going to jail for possession of marijuana was where Tyrann realized that everyone was watching him and he let people down. Tyrann had to stop chasing love from the people in his life before he could start telling his comeback story. We all have the story in our heads where we are not enough. Tyrann had to stop believing what other people were telling him and believe in himself. If we don’t address the narrative of not feeling enough you’re going to get stuck and it won’t matter what success you have in your life. If that feeling is hijacking your mind you will never escape the feeling of inadequacy. Much of what we are experiencing in the world right now is a result of unfaced fear and unresolved trauma. Tyrann is most grateful for his children and being able to give them the life that he never had. The things we can’t put a price on are things we become the most grateful for. If Tyrann could send a message to his younger self it would be to keep going and to smile first. As a kid, he didn’t know that people were looking to him for inspiration and that there is value in pushing forward for more than just yourself. Trust in the process and enjoy the journey. Don’t just crush your goals, have a good time doing it. If you feel like you are being held back, dig deep and take the blame off others. Figure out what your part in your situation is your responsibility and what you can do about it. Patrick Peterson was one of the first people to believe Tyrann was an elite talent and helped him believe that about himself. Having Patrick in his life has given Tyrann someone to look to for inspiration. For those days where you are struggling to find gratitude, think about the people that have always been there for you. Your comeback story is not about freedom for yourself, it’s about freedom from yourself. Being patient and accepting of yourself is the beginning of self-love. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Donny Starkins reveals his journey from a star baseball player with the world and success ahead of him to a drug addict that couldn’t escape his pain until he hit rock bottom. Find out how Donny realized he needed help, and how his experience with drug addiction and pain allows him to help other people free themselves from addiction and tell their own comeback story. Donny’s childhood was easy and his parents always tried to make the best of a bad situation. Sports came easily to him and one of his early dreams was to play professional baseball. He ended up playing at Arizona State, the same school as his father, where he suffered multiple injuries to his knee. His fifth surgery was experimental and resulted in unbearable pain, to the point where Donny realized that he would never play baseball again which sent him into a downward spiral of addiction to pain medication. He avoided physically hurting anyone else over the course of his addiction other than himself. Even after overdosing in Mexico and having his brother-in-law pick him up in the middle of the night, Donny still didn’t believe that he had a problem. His family wanted to help so Donny went into Alcoholics Anonymous solely to get his family off his back. It took a lot more pain and worry before Donny finally surrendered and accepted the fact that he had a problem. That was when he started to really hear the message that people were sharing during the meetings. After three and half years sober Donny had a relapse because he stopped doing the work. Another knee injury led to Donny relapsing for 8 months. At the time, Donny felt ashamed for relapsing, but now he looks back on that as a major turning point in his life. An early memory of pain for Donny was waking up from that surgery and losing his purpose. Baseball had been Donny’s life up to that point and he didn’t want to feel the emotional pain of that loss. The void was filled by taking pills. Another painful memory is not being present with his grandfather before he passed away. It wasn’t until after his death was Donny able to make amends. You need to show up for your family and friends, and when you do that it’s like living amends and it releases the shame and guilt of the past. Donny’s first teacher was his father. His father kept Donny humble and showed him the benefits of thinking about the game of baseball differently. He taught him that you never know who’s watching and you always have to give 100%, which ultimately led to Donny landing scholarships. Accepting the change from baseball star to drug addict was extremely difficult and prevented Donny from getting help and getting sober. The feeling of neutrality and indifference to the substance he was addicted to was one of the biggest reliefs and spiritual experiences of his life. It was his unwillingness and ego that were holding him back from experiencing that. The overdose was not the lowest point in Donny’s life. Donny’s lowest point is a memory of waking up and the very first thing he wanted was to take his pills. At that point, everything in Donny’s life revolved around getting pills. He isolated himself from everyone else in his life and his only friend was his dog. Donny made a lot of bad decisions that hurt a number of people in his life. He felt buried by his guilt and shame, and it wasn’t until he released that shame did Donny get access to a higher purpose for his life. Your mess is your message. Donny’s experiences and pain allow him to help other people through their own pain and tell their own comeback story. Gratitude changes the way we see the world. Donny is grateful to be sober because without that every other good thing in his life goes away. Yoga has also become an important aspect of Donny’s life. After a lifetime of thinking yoga was not for him, Donny took one class and realized that he was going to do yoga for the rest of his life. The greatest gift, beyond the physical benefits, has been the relationships and people that Donny has been able to meet because of his yoga practice. If Donny could share something with his younger self it would be: Know your values, live your values, love yourself first, you’re here to serve so share your gifts with the world. Donny never understood his values growing up, but by knowing his values now he knows exactly who he is. Fill your own cup first. It’s selfish not to do what you need to do to feel full, because by avoiding self care you are not able to give more to others. The only story that matters is the one we tell ourselves. Our thoughts create our reality and we can change that by changing the story we tell ourselves. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Darren Waller (Las Vegas Raiders, tight end) delivers an incredible message in the inaugural episode of the Comeback Stories podcast and talks about his struggle with addiction and drugs and how his life story and struggle has transformed into his most powerful asset. Learn how even an accomplished professional football player can struggle with doubt and anxiety, and why the story you tell yourself is the only one that matters.  Growing up for Darren was confusing. He was blessed with a good family, a good neighborhood, intelligence, and athleticism, but he was always sensitive to the harsh words of other people. Despite access to a number of resources, Darren found himself going down a dark path. Darren grew up in suburban Atlanta, Georgia playing a number of sports with the friends he grew up with. His earliest memory of pain is being told that he wasn’t black enough by his peers. He adopted that as truth when he was younger and didn’t realize the pain that it would cause him throughout his life. Even now, Darren still struggles with doubt despite being one of the best players in the game. Pain is part of the shared human experience. If you’re alive, you’re going to go through the pain and that is what connects us and is the essence of common humanity. Darren’s first real teacher was his father. He saw the way his dad treated his mom and respected her, and that became the template for how Darren treated women in his own life. In terms of balance, Darren understands that no matter how well things are going, they could get worse, and if things are going badly they will eventually get better. The way that Darren’s father loved him is how Darren thinks about his other relationships and it allows him to live a better life because of it. The feeling of not being good enough led to Darren trying to earn people’s approval by becoming better at football, and it was around that time that he started experimenting with drugs in an effort to escape the anxiety of trying to please people all the time. As his football skills improved, Darren felt worse and worse internally. After becoming a pro athlete, instead of feeling better the anxiety and pain only got worse and his drug use increased exponentially. The status and lifestyle were something he thought he wanted but none of it gave Darren happiness or peace. Darren ended up sabotaging his own success and getting suspended from the team. He had to go through the process of recovery and relearn the value of hard work before getting another chance at football a few years later. The biggest thing holding Darren back was trying to get approval and respect from others before he showed it to himself. Other people’s approval was either making or breaking him and he had to shed that mindset to stop trying to fill the void inside himself with other people’s approval. Darren’s lowest point was fourfold: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. It was August 11, 2017, when Darren overdosed in his Jeep. He had said that he had changed but his behaviors didn’t match the declaration. He ended up reliving all the pain he had been trying to mask in his life and that’s when he realized he had to change his life completely. If you’re at your lowest point, you’re not alone. Darren had to stop telling himself that what makes him different is what is wrong with him. The real story is what makes him different is what makes him special. He had to free himself from giving his power away to other people. All that arises starts with our thoughts. You can train your mind to work with you instead of against you. Darren is grateful for his recovery because so much has come because of it. By surrendering all the things that he thought would make his life worth something, he has allowed himself to learn and grow in ways that weren’t possible before. All the things that Darren was afraid to talk about have become his greatest asset. Just because you’re striving for greatness that doesn’t mean that you have to be perfect. Choose progress over perfection every day. Being authentic and sharing your story, complete with imperfections and mess, connects you more than trying to project a fake facade. Darren’s life used to consist of hiding nearly everything about him in the belief that it would make him feel free, but he’s done hiding. As people, we tend to see others clearly but we’re not able to see ourselves very well. We need to be around other people that want the best for us and who are willing to guide us when we need it. If you’re not addressing your fear you’re going to keep getting the same results in your life. Look at your pain and fear and figure out what it’s teaching you. In the depths of his addiction, Darren’s greatest fear was having other people see him the way he saw himself. He bent his life around making sure that other people told him what he wanted to hear instead of what he needed to hear. Fear is now an opportunity for Darren to trust himself and his belief that he’s doing the right thing. Fear is now an opportunity to be the best he can be. We’re all recovering from something right now. We all have a comeback story within us, and sometimes we have to change our story to make something new happen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Here's the first minute of Comeback Stories.  Launches 2/4/21. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices